If I can change one thing about the past what would it be?

For a moment my mind was blank at this question. THERE ACTUALLY WAS NOTHING THAT I WANT TO CHANGE. But then I thought a bit deeper and decided if it was anything at all, it would be the people I had to be with. An impossible anticipation of a perfect world…
Almost any management jargon is about changing people. Why is impossibility discussed to such an extent, I try to speculate.

What’s it with these people? I know I cannot find a land with people only like me. I also know that the process of changing myself is long and knotty. What then am I to do?
I am disturbed by the pins of tomorrow and the needles of yesterday. This is a squander of time and effort when there are better things to be doing or even thinking…. therefore I beg to my memory…to leave me alone!

Achieving Perfection

An ounce of wisdom
A great sense of humour
A little creativity
A pocket full of love
A smile to give
And a friend to have
That’s all you need
Near perfect, to be

Mean to be

Our paths crossed for some reason and now we are left with no choice but to keep walking. According to the theory of relativity some things are just destined to be but I just keep wishing it wasn’t…

Help me!

If there’s someone craving for help in the form of power and sympathy and I am able to give them neither what am I supposed to do?

They

They never bother too look beyond
They are blinded by their own antagonism
They make irrational judgement
Based on subjective opinion and false anecdote
They create nonexistent substance
They attack you with their own wild assumptions and conclusions
No grounds, whatsoever
They believe that all what they think and say is accurate
They leave no room for elucidation
They never give up
They never give in
They torment
They hurt
They pretend
They lie
They mock
“God be nice to them
Because they don’t know how to be nice to others”

G A (can you get that one?)

Some things are worth belief, even without evidence

What is beyond?

Beyond the clouds, is brightness that cannot be imagined
Beyond the cover of the book, is a whole story
Beyond the eyes, is extraordinary beauty
Beyond what is told, lies what is implied
Beyond witty comments, is true companionship
Beyond the pretty smile, is the hidden hatred
Beyond what is seen, lies the truth…

The difference

I am what I am not by chance but by choice…

S . T . O. P ! ! !

They keep dumping everything on us as if we have buckets instead of brains.

A page off my journal

I’m once again glad that the heavy weekend is over and done with and I’m so glad that the Lord has blessed our nation with a few holidays every now and then. It helps me organize myself and get back on my toes. The pleasing sound of the rain outside the window and the books around me kept closed give me a moment for myself.
We are now hitting the sixth month after tsunami happen. We are also at the bridge of crossing ½ the year. Where are we?
There is absolutely nothing to look back on and worse - nothing to look forward to. Where are all those selfless souls that were running around wild after the oceans played their wildest? Some of the funds have been appropriately used and the rest? We simply don’t know…
Are we pretending that things are fine and back to normal now or are we continuing to think that it is up to the government to make hay and to create back the nation for us? Are the fishermen confident to go back into the sea and are the farmers strong enough to harvest again?
Whatever the choices are, the are not limited.

I feel guilty. I also feel helpless alone. I feel scared. I also feel left out. I feel there is no other reason but myself. Why is it that we are here with no hope and no where to go to? As I read arguments on the papers and watch unproductive debates and terrorizing news on TV, I choose to idle around rather than to be haunted by the torturing words and images. There is no action any where else except in the mind!

Slavery to society

Ok I have a test tomorrow and what am I doing here? I don’t know I just keep reading irrelevant information everywhere. The skype fever is dying out slowly just like everything else does once the fun is over and the tears have dried.

Hmmm… I’ve been thinking. Why is it so difficult to make a decision that makes you fall into the minority? Why is it so easy to accept what everyone agrees with rather than to stand up for your beliefs? Is it a question of being strong enough to stand against the wind?

When I ask my friends why they are into drinking or smoking a common answer would be “to socialize”. Do you think you cannot socialize if you’re not a drinker? Most people don’t want to but do it only because of social pressure so if this “most” people can actually implement their beliefs will this not be so much easier to follow?

I guess that one too will just have to join my dusty thought-shelf to be answered forever. Being among the minority is difficult. I totally agree with Maslow’s social need theory. You cannot survive alone no matter how strong you are but there sure is more than a few ways of achieving this human need, indeed if we but pause to look around. With that let me leave you to think about yourself and how strong you are in standing up against the rest of the world for what you believe in.

Just sharing some experiences

Once, I almost fell in love and had to stop even before getting started and I came to know then, that it was the worst emotion you can ever feel.

To realize that you can’t have someone just when you start liking that someone is bad. Somehow we learned to grow out of the feeling. It was really hard. When people told me break-ups were tough, I never bothered taking it seriously (in fact I use to most of the time be pessimistic and even give negative advice) but after it happened to me I thought never again will I tread in that path to hurt myself so much. I actually never knew before that, what it was like to cry. I used to be so very happy. Anyway I wrapped it all up in a box and put a carpet over it. To think of all the time and pages of my journal that I wasted for him… Can I really call it ‘wasting’? They say you must think twice before you put something in writing. I never did and I’m thankful for it because those pages are the only memories I have of him now. Haven’t heard from him since the break and I guess I never will but it is certainly a sad fact that those feelings never go away 100%. When people tell me sad stories about their emotional lives my mind always goes back to those sorrowful times. Wish we can take some drugs to completely forget it. Well that’s enough of soppy stories for now. I don’t know why we keep splashing around blogger with these ones.

Where have all the good men gone?

This morning on my way to work I noticed a trishaw splash its way through a puddle of water only to soil the clothes of a couple of little kids walking clad in white shirts, white sarongs and this cloth that goes around the shoulders. My heart went out to them.

The other day my friend and I had to take a tuk tuk out somewhere. He was so reckless I thought my minutes were numbered. We kept praying and telling him that we were in no hurry to die.

Where have all the private organizations and the so called “social responsibility” gone to? Doesn’t someone need to educate these people? Can’t we expect a little bit of professionalism from them? Or are we going to be classed as underdeveloped countries for ever? Well the root of the situation is that where in the world do we first get our lessons from? Why the hell do men toot the horn so much when they see lady drivers when most of us ladies are better drivers than men. Insecurity is it? Yes, we stop at the crossings and we do not switch lanes and we WAIT for the vehicle in front to turn and if the men of this nation have no patience then we are in deep graves. It’s totally pathetic – the buses and the trishaws and the rest. Will someone please stand up for us?

Check this out

Check this out

Drawing lines

To draw a line between a smile and a laugh
To draw a line between having fun and getting stuff done
To draw a line between passing and failing someone
To draw a line between momentary existence and mere living
To draw a line between foolishness and bravery
To draw a line between being friends and more
To draw a line between being unhappy and being unfocused
To draw a line between motivation and punishment
To draw a line between being friendly and firm
To draw a line between myself and the world
To draw a line that shall cut through all the above lines…

What is religion?

I try to keep religion out of most matters for the sake of peace and with my level of ignorance it could be just treading onto dangerous territory. I’m no qualified individual to give statements of Fatwa. All that I can is to voice simple human opinion and if you ask me I think that one should not be too concerned of the opinion of others. Therefore this is for hearing from one ear and letting out from the other…

Religion by definition should have a God (something of power) and a set of guidelines or whatever that defines the “hows” of the ways one may go about life. This would mean that a person could believe in God but not have a religion or even vice-versa. Many atheists and intellectuals believe that Religion is simply for the less capable or the ones who have no self-control and therefore need to abide by a set of regulations. For one thing religion is definitely more than guidelines with a God. Is it then a science? Correct me if I’m wrong - to me Islam is not a religion if this be its definition. Islam to me in just a simple term is “life”.

A little diversion… (Since it crossed my mind just now)

Most religions (this word should be used with care) of the world were somewhat incomplete. Christianity is something like an upgraded version of Judaism (which is also an upgrade) and Islam the upgraded version of Christianity just like most of the other things around
.
Buddhism which could have been an upgrade to Hinduism is a philosophy – one in my opinion that is far ahead of most other commonly practised religions or state law. The outcome of research on what life is and how it could be best lived. If we look through a magnifying glass do we see a close connection between culture and religion? Now, which influenced which? There has also been some past concern about the closeness in the teachings of the lord Buddha and the prophet Muhammed. In fact there has also been some suspicion as to whether the Lord Buddha could have even been a prophet. This though which has no evidence, is a notion mainly due to the fact that although there were over a hundred thousand prophets only twenty five of their names have been mentioned in the Quran. This however is a diversion from my initial topic.

Does a man need a religion? No certainly not. It is only a choice – an answer at difficult situations. If man was perfect enough to live his life with absolutely no user manual then why has man himself felt the need to come up with judicial state laws and the like? Why not have these only for the lesser mortals? This is a question that has tickled the minds of many. It is but a trickle of thought that has scratched the minds of man time and time again through history and will continue to trouble stemming buds like us only to leave with no answer. With this I hope that I would keep to my initial principle of keeping things of religious concern out of common conversation but going back to my definition, how can I not when everything is in someway related to it?

The best to do is to concentrate on what makes our life more productive rather than on such vain and conclusion-less thoughts and arguments of this nature. For me it’s back to books now!

I can’t fight this feeling any longer….

I am surprised that I still find the strength to type this. I reach home @ 6pm and sleep till 7. When I wake up I realize I have to be at a group meeting @ 7. I rush there to find that a few still haven’t arrived. After two hours of a very productive meeting I’m home @ 15 past 9 hungry and more than that sleepy. I munch something quickly and get down to some leftover work off the meeting that should be mailed to all. It’s back to work tomorrow and I’m praying that the night be as long as it possibly can. Now as I send this mail I’m wishing that I could skip this semester, take three months off just to be a slave to laziness and start over fresh next year. But I’m only afraid that I will loose the interest and that I will fail in overpowering my laziness for a second time. Who can save me from this dilemma?

Tell me why

This was a well established company in the heart of Colombo headed by a well known dynamic and highly educated individual. It’s almost two years now since I had the interview. He simply asked me the usual series of questions that any interview would have. I knew the job would be mine even before I went for the interview. I was taken by surprise.

Terms and conditions were all satisfactory. He stated that I was perfect for the job, but there was a condition. He asked me if I can work without the head scarf at least within the premises of the building. I was tempted to ask “to what extent does my head scarf influence my capacity to work here?” but I did not speak because this was a man well-read speaking to me. His answer by no means would have justified his decision.

Can my capabilities be by any means be affected by the head scarf that I wear? Will I be less efficient than anyone else at the same level. Thanking him I walked out thinking why he in the brilliance of his mind simply thought so...

On Polygamy

Question: Why is a man allowed to have more than one wife in Islam? i.e. why is polygamy allowed in Islam?
Answer: ( by Dr. Zakir Naik)
1. Definition of Polygamy
Polygamy means a system of marriage whereby one person has more than one spouse. Polygamy can be of two types. One is polygyny where a man marries more than one woman, and the other is polyandry, where a woman marries more than one man. In Islam, limited polygyny is permitted; whereas polyandry is completely prohibited.
Now coming to the original question, why is a man allowed to have more than one wife?
2. The Qur'an is the only religious scripture in the world that says,"marry only one".
The Qur'an is the only religious book, on the face of this earth, that contains the phrase `marry only one'. There is no other religious book that instructs men to have only one wife. In none of the other religious scriptures, whether it be the Vedas, the Ramayan, the Mahabharat, the Geeta, the Talmud or the Bible does one find a restriction on the number of wives. According to these scriptures one can marry as many as one wishes. It was only later, that the Hindu priests and the Christian Church restricted the number of wives to one.
Many Hindu religious personalities, according to their scriptures, had multiple wives. King Dashrat, the father of Rama, had more than one wife. Krishna had several wives.
In earlier times, Christian men were permitted as many wives as they wished, since the Bible puts no restriction on the number of wives. It was only a few centuries ago that the Church restricted the number of wives to one.
Polygyny is permitted in Judaism. According to Talmudic law, Abraham had three wives, and Solomon had hundreds of wives. The practice of polygyny continued till Rabbi Gershom ben Yehudah (960 C.E to 1030 C.E) issued an edict against it. The Jewish Sephardic communities living in Muslim countries continued the practice till as late as 1950, until an Act of the Chief Rabbinate of Israel extended the ban on marrying more than one wife.
3. Hindus are more polygynous than Muslims
The report of the `Committee of The Status of Woman in Islam', published in 1975 mentions on page numbers 66 and 67 that the percentage of polygamous marriages between the years 1951 and 1961 was 5.06% among the Hindus and only 4.31% among the Muslims.
According to Indian law only Muslim men are permitted to have more than one wife. It is illegal for any non-Muslim in India to have more than one wife. Despite it being illegal, Hindus have more multiple wives as compared to Muslims. Earlier, there was no restriction even on Hindu men with respect to the number of wives allowed. It was only in 1954, when the Hindu Marriage Act was passed that it became illegal for a Hindu to have more than one wife. At present it is the Indian Law that restricts a Hindu man from having more than one wife and not the Hindu scriptures.
Let us now analyse why Islam allows a man to have more than one wife.
4. Qur'an permits limited polygyny
As I mentioned earlier, Qur'an is the only religious book on the face of the earth that says `marry only one'. The context of this phrase is the following verse from Surah Nisa of the Glorious Qur'an:
"Marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one."
[Al-Qur'an 4:3]
Before the Qur'an was revealed, there was no upper limit for polygyny and many men had scores of wives, some even hundreds. Islam put an upper limit of four wives. Islam gives a man permission to marry two, three or four women, only on the condition that he deals justly with them.
In the same chapter i.e. Surah Nisa verse 129 says:
"Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women...." [Al-Qur'an 4:129]
Therefore polygyny is not a rule but an exception. Many people are under the misconception that it is compulsory for a Muslim man to have more than one wife.
Broadly, Islam has five categories of Do's and Don'ts:
i. `Fard' i.e. compulsory of obligatory
ii. `Mustahab' i.e. recommended or encouraged
iii. `Mubah' i.e. permissible or allowed
iv. `Makruh' i.e. not recommended or discouraged
v. `Haraam' i.e. prohibited or forbidden
Polygyny falls in the middle category of things that are permissible. It cannot be said that a Muslim who has two, three or four wives is a better Muslim as compared to a Muslim who has only one wife.
5. Average life span of females is more than that of males
By nature males and females are born in approximately the same ratio. A female child has more immunity than a male child. A female child can fight the germs and diseases better than the male child. For this reason, during the pediatric age itself there are more deaths among males as compared to the females.
During wars, there are more men killed as compared to women. More men die due to accidents and diseases than women. The average life span of females is more than that of males, and at any given time one finds more widows in the world than widowers.
6. India has more male population than female due to female foeticide and infanticide
India is one of the few countries, along with the other neighbouring countries, in which the female population is less than the male population. The reason lies in the high rate of female infanticide in India, and the fact that more than one million female foetuses are aborted every year in this country, after they are identified as females. If this evil practice is stopped, then India too will have more females as compared to males.
7. World female population is more than male population
In the USA, women outnumber men by 7.8 million. New York alone has one million more females as compared to the number of males, and of the male population of New York one-third are gays i.e sodomites. The U.S.A as a whole has more than twenty-five million gays. This means that these people do not wish to marry women. Great Britain has four million more females as compared to males. Germany has five million more females as compared to males. Russia has nine million more females than males. God alone knows how many million more females there are in the whole world as compared to males.
8. Restricting each and every man to have only one wife is not practical
Even if every man got married to one woman, there would still be more than thirty million females in U.S.A who would not be able to get husbands (considering that America has twenty five million gays). There would be more than four million females in Great Britain, 5 million females in Germany and nine million females in Russia alone who would not be able to find a husband.
In Western society, it is common for a man to have mistresses and/or multiple extra-marital affairs, in which case, the woman leads a disgraceful, unprotected life. The same society, however, cannot accept a man having more than one wife, in which women retain their honourable, dignified position in society and lead a protected life.
Thus the only two options before a woman who cannot find a husband is to marry a married man or to become public property. Islam prefers giving women the honourable position by permitting the first option and disallowing the second.There are several other reasons, why Islam has permitted limited polygyny, but it is mainly to protect the modesty of women.

Such parasites will always live thru time

Last Sunday at a group meeting with my fellow colleages at class a very interesting, but usual thing happen. One of the guys openly declared that he will strictly NOT indulge in any team work. He said he was far too busy at work and when he gets home after eight he makes time for his wife and kids and that he cannot do any work for the assignment. He said “You share the work and I share only your marks”.

Such parasites were a common creation among students in the undergraduate level. But here too? With my eyes open wide I thought to myself its all coming all over again.

Look, if people need only the qualification, for god’s sake why not just let them have it? Some people just try to survive by drowning others. Often students come to you and complain about fellow team-mates who are bad team players. - “I cannot work with him/her”; “Please change our groups”; “If I’m stuck with them I will not work”-. These are a few of the phrases that stimulate our holy advice of how it is not an ideal world and out there in the industry you do not get to choose your buddies. Dealing with teams is part of the learning process. Some people will work and some people will not and there is no perfect education or any other system that can prevent this. Life is unfair, true enough. One thing is for sure – at the end of the day people who work more will certainly benefit.

A difficult but effective thing to do is to look at the positives of every sad situation that hits our lives. I recently came across Gunith’s blog which talks a lot of negatives of a situation. It is human nature to critically analyse all situations. Negatives appear first and that is unavoidable but at all times we must try hard to suppress negative feelings and highlight the positives.

As for my team - I am going to be selfish and work harder than everyone else. For me - knowledge is definitely more valuable than grades. I know this sounds nerdy but his guy who doesn’t want to work is actually unconsciously creating an opportunity for me to learn more and I, am not going to miss it!

Happy working, people!

A silent prayer

Lord, help me to admit when I am wrong make me easier to live with when I am right.

My fault

I know I suck at poetry writing. Yet it is one form of writing pleasure where free falling can actually feel real smooth and good. Beside who really cares about rules and regulations?
Here’s another one of my soppy ones.

How can you twist
my smiles into a frown?
How do have the heart
to make my eyes smart?
How can you watch
the tears on my face?
How can you make my bright day
turn so very grey?
Don’t you hear my call
or do you pretend you cant?
Why did I do wrong to you?
When was I never true?
How come you can be so strong
to make me feel that I am wrong?
The only mistake I ever made
Was to fall… free fall for you!

As I celebrate…

As I celebrate the first anniversary of my blogging life I’m wondering what life it really has. The only law/theory that I found 100% practical from business is the law/theory of diminishing marginal utility which in common man’s language is “Bloody fed up of it”.

Really I don’t know why I get so bored so fast. In fact I’m surprised this lasted a year. Everything I do seems to run out fast. If a sem was anything more than 14 weeks I’d rather beg on the streets. Well what can I say? I get tired of things real fast!

And to make things worse….

Two group assignments and a test already. What a treat! It seems like it’s coming all over again. I feel miserable thinking of all those things I need to remember. Why are good things so hard to get?

I hate using blogging as a means of getting it out. And here goes my grumbling again!

The way the world works....

People who have nothing are sometimes right at the top because people who have everything lack the willingness to move forward!

The law of diminishing marginal utility

You get fed up with everything at some point and it is then… that its time to pack up!

Nothing left

The worst discovery you can ever make is to discover that everything that needs to be discovered has already been discovered!

Even wrong decisions work for good if the teach us to make wiser decisions in the future. Being indecisive is the worst of the two

Myths and legends

If theories are not applicable in practical life why are they even there?

Deceit

There was once hope
Of an unseen world
One that promised bliss
And eternal Freedom

They promised love
They promised education
Bought for life

Pain; Hurt; Misery
When will this dictionary
Ever see
Better words?
Better days?

But the terrible truth
Is that
There’s no fruit
That’s coming from this little dry seed
No more than a weed
It shall grow to be

This silly feeling
Of life without meaning

She runs

She runs into the wilderness
Seeking help
Futile, her effort in screaming
No soul hears
No nice memories
Just A life of no meaning

In the batting of an eye
Her whole life changed
How the friendly world
Could suddenly be so strange?

Molested by the disguise of love
Who has she left that she may trust
The wounds on her skin
Medication may put right
But the wounds in her heart?
A lifetime’s carving

“Death”
– a silent answer
blows in the wind
but why
should she die?
When it was to live that she was born?

To her and million others
Life would be nothing more
Than a living deathA cursed soul

Suicide

Sitting on the railway line
Everything seems so still and so fine
Painful silence
Lonesome Wilderness

Up into the air
Her eyelids rise
Not a soul to care
Where are all the men, so wise?

So Silent
So still
She wonders
The sky has not a single cloud
The thoughts in her head so loud

Hunger for guidance
Need for a prayer
A dusty wind blows
Faraway somewhere…

The toot of a horn
to break the still silence
A few more moments
And soon she’ll be gone
Into a world of which
No one knows

Would it be better? She wonders
Will it be painful? She ponders
But what could be worse
than the pain she already feels?

The minutes pass
and louder gets the sound,
Slowly she lays
her head on the ground

“I love you dear Amma
And I so don’t want to go,
But there seems like
There’s no other way out
Nothing good, no more”

Slowly, she closes her eyes
Against the sun so bright
She hears the hoarse hum
Through the cold steel rods comes the fright

So many broken promises,
So many lies
So many disappointments,
No way to rise

When to hold on there’s no rope
When there’s nothing left to hope
When there’s nothing to shout about
Suicide seems the only way out

Born like the others on earth
Living each day with pain
Suffering since birth
All lost and no gain

The trains very near
Her heart fills with fear
She tightens her eye lids
And clenches her fists

Newspaper headlines
She would make tomorrow
God save the others
From their sorrow

She smiles her very last
Bitter memories and thoughts rush past
The trains getting closer
It’s coming very fast

Dreams and wishes
Love and kisses
Hopes for Bliss
People she may miss

And before long
She will be gone
Her dreams with her she shall take
Of a life that she could never make

Joy in her eyes
Sorrow in her soul
No one to advice
Left all alone

No one cares
About the heavy burden she bares
That’s what she believes
That’s what she’s told

Her final thought
The tough battle she’s fought
The war she’s lost
She can’t face the cost

Everyone everywhere,
No one has the time to spare
Death is now on its way
Finally happy, on her very last day

The great iron dragon
Cuts its way through the wind
Tearing her flesh
And spreading her blood

A girl so beautiful, so young
Shamed and stabbed
Bitten and stung
She couldn’t raise her voice
Left with only one choice

Gone, she is now
No one knows where
No one knows how
Nobody there, No family to care

Live, she will
In our hearts for sometime
Until there comes
Another headline


Samanthi was pretty. She was intelligent. There was no one to recognise it. Often, she’d run to the railway line and watch children go to school and wonder what it was like at school. She liked to dance. She some how knew she would be good at it.

With a drug addicted mother and a child molesting father there was no way she would be able to be like the girls clad in white cotton dresses. There was no way her skills would come to light. She would sometimes beg, sometimes would steal. The only other choice was slavery. “Simply less fortunate”. That’s what her mother would say to her.

The boys would tease at her dirty hair and torn clothes. And tears would fill her little eyes. No peace at home in the nights. No food on the ground because her mother is beaten up too much. Her thin baby brother is wailing at the noise. Her father would be after her in no time. Where could she run to.. she keeps thinking. Her scared little heart worn away with pain. Suicide the only way out!

Suicide rates are always on a constant increase. People need counselling, love, affection and advice. Are we too busy to give it to them? Prevention is better than cure. Let not our little children lose their lives or waste them.

It’s not enough putting up notices to stop child abuse and juvenile crime. It’s time to reach out and save those little lives. Let’s start with our own homes. Get rid of slave children and child labour. Adapt where we can. Teach them something and most of all show them we care.There’s much more happiness in spreading it rather than keeping it to your self. Let there be no more Samanthi’s in our land.

…About Liars and Dishonesty

“It is ok not to tell the truth always but it is also dishonest to stay quiet!”

Artificial Emotion

Have you ever considered whether feelings are what stimulate, what supplement or what exactly are your needs are?

The smiling students on the way, blurry images of a nightmare, co-workers, family, pets and artificially controlled elements controlling me – NO LIFE – that’s how I would describe it. Taken over by an artificial world, trained in artificial systems, programmed and planned, nothing spontaneous; nothing unique, just a mundane component of the old game. Out of the world crazy ideas that have no worth now posses me. No support, no gravity no friction, not anti-matter. I have no want to be a part of a known and planned game yet I am not here merely by chance. These emotions are not my own nor are they creation; they are but artificially imposed upon me. No tear of mine is magic potion; No glare has a cause; Nor this thought any meaning. A mere feeling that has no explanation on what need is to be satisfied.