Monday, July 10, 2017

Yes I haven't changed at all

Yes you are right!
I haven't given up my life, my career, my dreams, my ambitions for a family
I haven't sacrificed my hobbies, my sports, my joy...
I haven't given up cozy afternoon naps to change ten diapers a day.
I haven't exchanged my fun and entertainment for sweeping five time a day.
I haven't given up enjoying my meals in exchange for preparing them sweating through the steaming heat wishing I could sit down and sip a drink
I haven't changed at all
It really doesn't matter if I do the laundry or not
or clean the gunk behind the sinks
or wipe milk off of chairs, tables and floors
and poop off of butts
I have had sleepless nights all my life and not just in the last ten years
I have had anxiety and exhaustion for as long as I can remember
You are absolutely right
I haven't changed much
I do nothing but sit around all day curled up with my favorite book, listening to my favorite song, taking a shower whenever I want to, dressing up, looking and feeling good
Nothing has changed for me,

You have though

You probably would not have the same career
You probably would not have had the leisure time you have now
You probably could sleep at any time you wanted
You probably would have had peaceful driving time alone to yourself
You probably would have had to bother with homework or class projects...
You probably could take care of yourself and groom yourself how you like...
You probably would not have had to give up your body and health and strength to hold and to give birth to new life...
You probably wouldn't have had to put up with constant criticism, disrespect and ridicule from your significant other who chose to adore for the rest of your life despite belly button lint and hairy armpits.
You probably would have had to sacrifice lots of good things...
I do pity you for all the very big changes you have had to go through to for the title of husband and father...
The daily challenges and struggles of family life that make you cry at night
I do wish, you could sleep peacefully like me and snore away through the night...
I wish you didn't have to hide your true feelings and emotions and smile for your kids ever so often just to make them happy.
I wish you had the time to comb your hair every day... to walk in nd out of the home any time you wanted to...

All I can say is that I am really sorry that you have had to make so many sacrifices along the way while I get to enjoy the same life I always had, take a walk whenever I want to,  reach my dreams and have a personality of my own! I really wish we could exchange our lives from the depth of my heart... in another world may be... IA... lets wait and see...

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

The best thing about life .....

We fear
so much
Fear of poverty...
Fear of pain...
Anxiety of the situation at hand
Haunted by a wrong that we did

Nothing stays too long

The relief in life is to feel that
nothing is permanent
Everything however big or negligible, ends.

There is really no point in grudges
in ego
in judging....

We are all so caught up with life so much that we forget its just a matter of time...
Everything ends
and in that thought in it self is relief!

Alhamdelillah for the blessing of temporariness!

Tuesday, September 15, 2015


There's been many winy roads, tall mountains and deep rivers to cross... It hasn't all been a bed of roses, but looking back, there has certainly been thousand good moments for every single bad moment. When I look forward to the rest of our lives together I cannot help but think... the best is yet to come, in Jannah!

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

It is a good thing that good friends are free. Mine are so precious that I would never be able to afford them! - AS

Friday, January 31, 2014

15 reasons I dislike winter

  1. Everyone's extra laundry
  2. Gloves and caps all over the house
  3. Runny noses
  4. Frizzy hair
  5. Dry Skin
  6. Biting Bitter cold
  7. Slippery old snow
  8. Narrower roads
  9. Slow traffic
  10. Time consuming commutes
  11. More accidents
  12. Parking Nightmares
  13. Freezing toes and fingers
  14. Seasonal Depression
  15. Early sunset and not enough sunlight in the day.

Friday, January 17, 2014

Dearest mum and dad

To my darling parents who are celebrating 31 years together.
Like my children always say (and I hope they will feel the same way when they are teenagers) you both are my best friends for ever. Sometimes it is easier to tell newer friends this than it is to your own kith and kin but I love you both sooooo much and miss you every single day! May Allah shower you with his choisest blessings and may we be united soon again Insha Allah

Random thoughts blended into words that can never do justice to them

15 years ago, life was simple. America was just another lesson in my geography book. But today America means a lot.

It is here that I became a mother; it is here that I leaned to drive; it is hear that I built a home and family to continue my legacy. (Ok, excuse the over emphasis). These may seem like simple things but to a woman, it is almost everything that she can ask for. Being happy and free.

Even though we probably are living the dream I miss my homeland. Every time I cook I am reminded of the aromas from back home. The craving for some childhood comfort foods that I still miss.... their taste lingers upon my lips. Hot Nescafe at bed time brought my mum so I can stay up and work on my assignments. A dire need to be as efficient as possible. I miss the days that the only thing I had to worry about was exams and turning in projects. Hours in front of the computer with a few minutes of dial up connection. I wish I can substitute the word 'miss' with something stronger. But my limited vocabulary does not allow me to do so. I have spent my life time trying to be a perfectionist.... trying to do everything meticulously  but lately I've been learning to relax. To savor and enjoy the moment instead of cramming multiple tasks in the goal of achieving efficiency and effectiveness simultaneously. I'm learning to embrace and love myself. I am also thinking more about death. I guess we all, in our own ways learn to deal with the fact that our grey hairs are increasing, our wrinkles are beginning to form and that our posture is not as upright as it once was. My greatest fear next to death, is old age and loneliness. Who will take care of me? Will I be a botheration?

Friday, December 27, 2013


2013 was a roller coaster ride full of ups and downs. The biggest down for me was losing my mother in law in May because we had planned on visiting her during the summer. I guess we will have to live with that regret. Happy memories include being able to have my children spend some time with their grand parents and all the wonderful achievements I made at the work place. After taking a much need break I returned to work to be welcome to arm loads of hugs and kisses and students cheering at my arrival. I sit quietly and ask myself as I take it all in slowly; what I did I do that make them want me back so much. It is a nice feeling to be missed. I think that teaching is a very special skill and not everyone can do it and even if you can, unless you have a passion and the will power for it, you wont be able to keep going.

Anyway, I am keeping my fingers crossed for 2014. Make the most of life. Live like you'll never die while preparing for the hereafter like I will die today, will be my motto. The children are growing up and asking questions about everything. When the husband and I argue they ask us to say sorry to each other and boy that is sooo hard.