Texas Power Outage

 We went through the following feelings.. with each disaster

Shock

Fear

Anger

Sorrow

I went through this with Tsunami, then Sandy in NJ, then covid19 and now the winter storm in Texas.

What doesn't break you, makes you stronger.

Of moments that were lost...

Between the husband, and myself we used to take turns to go tharaweeh at the Masjid because someone needed to stay home with the kids. Most of the times, I would pray at home and let him go the masjid but I remember there was this one night that I so badly wanted to go but my husband had already left and I had all the children with me. I remember packing them into the minivan. The youngest was the sleeping baby in the car seat that I had to carry into the masjid through a dark path. Somehow I felt like I needed to be there to pray with everyone even though it was incredible difficult for me with two sleeping toddlers, and two more to keep an eye on... I remember I was afraid that the little one will wake up and cry and disturb all the other worshippers. Whenever he cooed i regretted going... Little did I realize that, that night was going to be the last congregational tharaweeh for me for a long time to come. I feel so blessed and happy that I decided to go that night despite it being so hard for me. You never know when a missed opportunity would come back to haunt you so seize the moment, do your best. Praying that we make it to this blessed month.... praying that the world returns to more goodness than ever before.... Wishing you a tranquil Ramadan with the strongest thaqwa and iman! Duas for all!

Remember to be kind to kids and mums with kids in masjids if you ever get another chance!

Too late to regret

We never thought it would come back to haunt us....

That student that you were too busy to hug, at the end of a bad day
That  dentist or medical appointment that you kept putting off since there is time to get to it later
That last congregational prayer and community cook off
Seize the moment
Do it..

How do we get through this?

I don't write as good as I used to .... but I will give it a go if it means it may help someone

Our household has 8 people so someone needs something almost all the time. It's easy to spread out too thin. My feelings go from good to bad to worse to good again in several cycles within an hour. I never had to worry about finishing rations or being out of baby wipes. Since my parents are diabetic and have underlying conditions I am somewhat paranoid. Here's how I try to get through my days.

- Do your best - that's all I can do

Be Busy - Being Busy is better than Being Worried

- Have a set of goals
- Prioritize - For me work related work is more important than house work so I get that done first

Small bitable chunks of work with achievable objectives
- Pinch out small manageable projects around the house that I know I can get done. So if you clean the microwave, then save the fridge for the day or pick one counter or one side of your closet to deep clean at a time.

Relaxation time is important
- Let go - some things can go undone
- Take care of myself, brush my hair, watch my health and personal hygiene
- Have kids shower every other day all on the same day so its easier to keep track. There's no need to shower them every day
- Divert attention from the problem at hand, watch a movie or do something fun to lighten up
- Every now and then, do an activity with the family, we may never have this family time again
- Its ok to forget about things for a while
- My children need not be the center of the universe all the time

If you are up to it, write, vlog, blog... do something to record third for the history books your great grand kids will read about!

Communicate 
With yourself - Its ok to feel sad and cry - acknowledge that
With God - Keep at prayer. Find comfort in the fact that you did your best and let the the rest in His hands
With Everyone else- Communicate - let people know your current feeling at the time so they can give you your space or offer to help
- Keep in touch with friends and family - they might need it more than I

All in all we are ok. We were not wired for this. But we do have the mental capacity to prepare for and get through it. One day at a time...

Give
Find peace and comfort in helping others
Whether its making someone smile or lending food to those who can't go get it

And Finally...
Avoid sharing pictures of food and fun. Some are grieving lost loved ones. Others are taking out that last slice of bread from the packs. Have empathy. Don't share too many good times that hurt others who don't have them.
...because getting through this is the only way to reach the other side!

Thank you for all the grey hair you have given me!

You always ask me "What's the worse that could happen"
Like your blood group you have shown me how to be positive and see the light at the end of the most vicious tunnels of life
You told me to let go and not sweat the small stuff
As you get older I thank you for sharing our lives together... for helping... with breakfast and more.
Thank you for working hard every day for us... Thank you for tea in bed and occasional breakfast in bed too!
For being a good dad
Thank you also for allowing me to shout or vent when I need to.
To mars and back...
Love you always and insha Allah until we are too old to remember....

Happy 45th and many more good ones IA

Here we go

To my dearest dad

 So many problems that you encountered  while we were growing up..

 Some you chose not to share with us.

 So l MAY NEVER know what you had to go through to give us your best

 Everything little and big that you did and are still doing, is in the bottom of our hearts...

 You inspired every moment of our childhood

 You took the time off your schedule for family vacations, making kites, painting  pictures, making recycle.. calendars, cycling, river baths and burning paper with a  magnifying glass.  Star gazing with a telescope, spending the weekends car washing or spring  cleaning. The memories of a  well lived life are too precious to lose.  And as we become older and realize the joys and pains of parenting we appreciate  more and more  the trouble you and mama took to implant these beautiful memories of our  wonderful childhood, deep in our hearts.  So while of rain my hands to Ask Allah to shower you with the best of both worlds, thank Him for a truly wonderful family and blend childhood that's had As a tear makes it way down my face. I see some of those dads out there who are there but never there. You were always there... I thank you for instilling good character in us, making us proud of you.

A virus takes over

Here is what I really feel

I feel scared. Even writing doesn't soothe me

Will we get through this?

Will we have enough food to feed 8 mouths?

I'm terrified

I didn't buy one single hand wash, soap or disinfectant wipe so we have to do with what we have at home. The day I went, the shelves were empty

Here are the facts ;https://ncov2019.live/data

Life is not worth all the drama

When I first came to this land... brave and free was very remote from what I was feeling... I was Lonely with a capital L.

I had never been lonely before so I didn't really understand its depths. My husband did what husbands usually do... disappearing back and forth to work and I took onto a life that was homebound, somewhat boring and adventure-less. Very much different from what I was used to. I had always been around people and friends and family and this strange feeling was something I tried to ignore. I found new hobbies and worked on things I had no time for before. I took a lot of getting used to and adapting. When the baby came, life became all about the baby but I was still extremely lonely. I had no choice about getting back to a career because for one - I had the babies and on top of that I was on an h4 visa. So I had to just wait out those five years. Sometimes I was irritable and annoyed and it was not the best years of my life. To top it off the winters were brutal and I realized cold was something I am never going to get myself to like.

Fast forward 12 years and I have not only gotten used to this different type of lifestyle of lonesomeness but in many ways actually enjoy the privacy and self time that it allows. I value my home life and love being home. The grass IS always greener isn't it? Of the things I enjoy, I mostly enjoy the freedom of being able to live life the way we would like to live it. We eat when we are hungry and sleep when we are tired and clean house when we feel like it or it gets messier than manageable. Some days are good, others are bad but most days are just ok and that's how it is supposed to be.

You see, there is really no point in having everything so rushed and well managed and well organized. People matter but not to the extent where you change your life to make them happy. I skipped a year at school and was the youngest in my class but what good did it do me?

Life will take its own course on you anyway. No matter what you do, bad and good events will take turns. Life is hard no matter what, then why make it harder by overburdening ourselves with useless activities that demand too much from ourselves when we are just a speck of dust in this universe. 100 years from now no one will even remember our names. Just imagine that and we worry so much about our reputations when we are alive. We need people and good relationships but its not worth dying trying to please everyone because we are literally dying... no matter what. lol

Life is hard enough without having to try so like my wise old spouse I decided to sit at the back seat and relax and be a passenger in the journey of life - not a driver. I worked so hard and tried to be perfect but life showed me that I have zero control over it. Since of late I have had various doubts about the one thing that always kept me together and that's my religion. I believe in God and the Prophet but I don't understand why so many things are so confused and why there are so many grey areas in key concepts.

I have learned not to stress over mundane matters. I have learned to relax and let things go. At the end of the day it simply is not worth it because life will take its course on you anyway. it took me a long time to reach this state of mind because I always tried to control everything that happened to me and at the end of the day all my hard work didn't matter and I just had to wait out things. So no, I wont push myself anymore, I wont wreck my children's childhood and I wont let bad memories happen for no reason... Happiness and fun is not everything and is definitely overated but we have to have fun.... its the one thing we love about being human, isn't it?

Its time the world knew

All that glitters is not gold
You cant believe everything that you are told
Life isn't as pretty as they say
But if you could have it any other way
What would you change what would you throw away?

The best thing about life .....

We fear
so much
Fear of poverty...
Fear of pain...
Anxiety of the situation at hand
Haunted by a wrong that we did

Nothing stays too long

The relief in life is to feel that
nothing is permanent
Everything however big or negligible, ends.

There is really no point in grudges
in ego
in judging....

We are all so caught up with life so much that we forget its just a matter of time...
Everything ends
and in that thought in it self is relief!

Alhamdelillah for the blessing of temporariness!

Us

There's been many winding roads, tall mountains and deep rivers to cross... It hasn't all been a bed of roses, but looking back, there has certainly been thousand good moments for every single bad moment. When I look forward to the rest of our lives together I cannot help but think... the best is yet to come, in Jannah!

It is a good thing that good friends are free. Mine are so precious that I would never be able to afford them! - AS

15 reasons I dislike winter

1. Everyone's extra laundry
2. Gloves and caps all over the house
3. Runny noses
4. Frizzy hair
5. Dry Skin
6. Biting Bitter cold
7. Slippery old snow
8. Narrower roads
9. Slow traffic
10. Time consuming commutes
11. More accidents
12. Parking Nightmares
13. Freezing toes and fingers
14. Seasonal Depression
15. Early sunset and not enough sunlight in the day.

Dearest mum and dad

To my darling parents who are celebrating 31 years together.
Like my children always say (and I hope they will feel the same way when they are teenagers) you both are my best friends for ever. Sometimes it is easier to tell newer friends this than it is to your own kith and kin but I love you both sooooo much and miss you every single day! May Allah shower you with his choisest blessings and may we be united soon again Insha Allah

Random thoughts blended into words that can never do justice to them

15 years ago, life was simple. America was just another lesson in my geography book. But today America means a lot.

It is here that I became a mother; it is here that I leaned to drive; it is hear that I built a home and family to continue my legacy. (Ok, excuse the over emphasis). These may seem like simple things but to a woman, it is almost everything that she can ask for. Being happy and free.

Even though we probably are living the dream I miss my homeland. Every time I cook I am reminded of the aromas from back home. The craving for some childhood comfort foods that I still miss.... their taste lingers upon my lips. Hot Nescafe at bed time brought my mum so I can stay up and work on my assignments. A dire need to be as efficient as possible. I miss the days that the only thing I had to worry about was exams and turning in projects. Hours in front of the computer with a few minutes of dial up connection. I wish I can substitute the word 'miss' with something stronger. But my limited vocabulary does not allow me to do so. I have spent my life time trying to be a perfectionist.... trying to do everything meticulously  but lately I've been learning to relax. To savor and enjoy the moment instead of cramming multiple tasks in the goal of achieving efficiency and effectiveness simultaneously. I'm learning to embrace and love myself. I am also thinking more about death. I guess we all, in our own ways learn to deal with the fact that our grey hairs are increasing, our wrinkles are beginning to form and that our posture is not as upright as it once was. My greatest fear next to death, is old age and loneliness. Who will take care of me? Will I be a botheration?

2013

2013 was a roller coaster ride full of ups and downs. The biggest down for me was losing my mother in law in May because we had planned on visiting her during the summer. I guess we will have to live with that regret. Happy memories include being able to have my children spend some time with their grand parents and all the wonderful achievements I made at the work place. After taking a much need break I returned to work to be welcome to arm loads of hugs and kisses and students cheering at my arrival. I sit quietly and ask myself as I take it all in slowly; what I did I do that make them want me back so much. It is a nice feeling to be missed. I think that teaching is a very special skill and not everyone can do it and even if you can, unless you have a passion and the will power for it, you wont be able to keep going.

Anyway, I am keeping my fingers crossed for 2014. Make the most of life. Live like you'll never die while preparing for the hereafter like I will die today, will be my motto. The children are growing up and asking questions about everything. When the husband and I argue they ask us to say sorry to each other and boy that is sooo hard.

To My Loving Brother

Ahsen, I want to wish you all the very best.

I am proud of how far you have come. Even though the hill was steep and lonely, Stormy and overwhelming, you have been strong and patient. 'Deal with the day' is my motto for life. Every day will be hard and new challenges will come our way. We will fall. We have to stand up against the wind, shovel off the snow and start walking again. Insha Allah I start working again from tomorrow. Officially, it was supposed to be today but I said I cant make it because Haroon is home with a cold and cough. My life here is very challenging as I have to do EVERYTHING on my own without any help. Its hard but its life and life wont make any sense if it was not hard. 

Study confidently. By this time, next year you will be a married man Insha Allah and a very kind hearted doctor. My duas are with you always. Do your best and leave the rest in the hands of the Al-mighty. As you take a new step in life you know that your family will always be there for you and that you can turn to us for anything.

With all my love

Your ever-loving sister

Marriage Anyone?

Some useful advice to read up on...

http://eighthrising.wordpress.com/2013/10/28/10-marriage-tips-every-wife-needs-to-hear/

Marriage is not for you

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/seth-adam-smith/marriage-isnt-for-you_b_4209837.html

http://ourbabyblog.blogspot.com/

Surviving Sandy

Despite the cruel winds, crashing rain and howling storm I feel thankful.

Thankful that underneath it all we still have fresh water from the taps and gas to cook our food.

Everything that we take for granted everyday are precious gifts. The lessons we learn are many.

Although a flood of darkness overcomes us after sunset, I still feel grateful that we have a roof over our heads and that the car and the house survived the storm.

Last year, in August, Irene gave us training. We had to leave our newly purchased home the first day we moved into it. This year again there this is this deep lingering thought as to why an area that hardly gets affected by storms of this nature, is getting affected twice in two years in a row. My heart goes out to all my neighbors, our fellow survivors and the families of loved ones who lost their lives. Clearly God has mystical ways of displaying His infinite wisdom.

As the last bar on my cell phone and the last bit of battery charge left on my laptop scream out to me to stop I am forced to go back into a technology less world to face the many challenges that were just a part of life for my grandparents and great grandparents.

It is mind boggling to think of how much we depend on electricity to run our everyday lives. Whether it is too microwave a cup of tea or entertain the children with a video, electricity has definitely proved itself to be unimaginably important.

My children would probably not remember this phase and hence one day if they read this I would like them to know that yes Sandy happened to New Jersey in 2012 and we survived it. We feared for the safety of our loved ones and the safety  of our belongings but finally  we got through it without much loss or damage. A week without power, a week to connect, to pause, to think… to collect life and to go on…

So did Sandy do us any good?

the power failure was overwhelming, the depression was worse than I thought... What good can any of this bring - definitely a valid question.

In a weird kind of way, we connected with other people hit by the storm. The same basic needs brought us together. Everyone was trying to help someone with something they needed whether it be food, medication, information or just a pat on the back.

I just hear that a snow storm is making its way towards us. While mixed feelings and emotions run through my mind… I am grateful for the little blessing we have, the numerous friends who opened their hearts to us, the neighbors - some of whom we only met because of the storm.
Life will bring us its storms and test our limits. Hope will keep us going and prayer will get us there Insha Allah - God Willing!