Attitude affects it all

One morning I woke up and thought today I will be happy no matter what happens. Did it work? Well… the answer I will leave for you to find out!

There are positives in being negative

In the highlights of life... there is more bad news than good!

Negotiation and conflict management tips

Again this is one of those inventions that I haven’t really bothered to pick up at the book stores. It is not really like you have to be a born good or bad negotiator. You can choose to improve. My father for example is an excellent negotiator and very a very diplomatic person. For him it comes naturally. I, on the other hand say it straight and often the results are not very fruitful. Here are some of the tips from my own invention that I am learning to adapt myself to.

- Never say “You are wrong” If you have to say it at all say “It seems there is a small mistake in this”. Ask yourself which of the two sentences you prefer hearing.

- The best approach is the direct approach and that’s what I would generally agree with but given a scenario that has to work in favour of you, it is better that you don’t get to the point all at once when you have to give a negative message. The inductive approach may be a better choice. Read between the lines in the structure of the above sentence.

- Argue about the subject not about or with the person. It is easier said than done but most conversations turn into bitter arguments because people end up being subjective and defensive rather than objective.

- Forget arguments once they are over. DO NOT bring it up at future conversations.

- Make it seem funny. Humour is always good. But could be a dangerous area for those who don’t have humour coming to them naturally

- Finally and most importantly – admit you made a mistake if you have. People will value you as a person who knows yourself and doesn’t hesitate about admitting mistakes. After all everyone makes mistakes.

100 Reasons why I may not smile at you sometimes

A smile is the cheapest way to improve your looks. A smile is curve that sets things straight. It takes barely a second from our busy schedules. Yeah yeah, been there – heard it all. But there are times that no matter how nice it is to smile you just don’t do it. Nobody thinks much about smiling at a funeral. So like all theories it is only applicable to certain scenarios. Yesterday, it was like I got stabbed right there in the heart when someone asked me straight why I don’t smile. Well, on the positive side it leaves me some subject for blogging. So I stayed back typing this up if it has any worth at all.

1. When I’m walking about I am usually thinking about something too hard to concentrate on anyone around or to notice even things around – I know this is kind of selfish.
2. Sometimes I’m thinking that I’m smiling when I actually am not – I know this kind of weird to imagine.
3. Sometimes I think that people are smiling at someone behind m and I don’t smile in return to avoid getting embarrassed
4. Sometimes I’m smiling all the time so there is no need to improve it when someone actually smiles at me.
5. Sometimes I’m afraid to smile at people I don’t know - this is especially on the streets.
6. I’m too stressed at times to smile.

I can’t think of 94 other reasons except for the fact that I know it is wrong and to those who are strong and kind enough to understand, I am very grateful. I will try my best to smile more often rather than waiting for it to come naturally.

Beyond the tears is the bravery

Last Saturday we were at dinner at queens when I received a call on my mobile phone. The urgency of the voice of my brother-in-law – a rather rare and unexpected caller startled me. It was one of those days when bru hadn’t charged his phone and when I had decided to take a different mobile number in order to be not disturbed for official purposes on weekends. That night a terrible road accident caused my biological mother-in-law to be admitted at the accident ward – something that we still can’t come to terms with. She was always cheerful and full of smiles. She was always so witty and would never complain of the immense troubles that she had to go through in her life.

Deeply shocked we rushed to the hospital disappointed by the regulation that we will not be allowed inside without passes. With great difficulty our efforts got us in.

It was perhaps the first time that I was able to see her without her usual smile on. She had a badly fractured tibia and femur, shoulder bone, a small head injury and some fingers that were beyond rescue. Traumatized by the event no one seemed to be in the right mind to do anything. Adding to the pressure were strict regulations. Underneath it all we kept wondering - why her? Is it because she had the strength to take it…? Is it because it was some kind of test? The answers may never be clear. While the pain for her was unbearable, we had to put up with the regulations and leave her there alone for an emergency operation. At home that night, we were challenged by our own minds to accept something that we thought could never happen to a person like her.

When we visited her at the hospital the next day she was once again her cheerful self and smiling through all the pain. We were impressed by her bravery. She assures us now that she is getting better everyday. Every visit is painful and what the future holds at this point of time is a mystery for us as much as it is for her.

Praying for your speedy recovery…

…our darling mummy!

Jambo - East Africa

It took me time to get used the features of their faces, the very dark skin and the very exotic hair dos to their very unmanageable and extremely curly hair. The city had many posters warning people about a city that has the highest crime rate in entire Africa. Animals were free to explore the suburbs. The weather was always too cold to go out without warm clothing. The people were always so friendly and full of smiles. The days past too fast and in Africa enough is never enough. Many people worked for a living while a few chose to beg or rob. The cost of living was as high as Nairobi is above sea level. Infrastructure and buildings had very little shortcoming in the heart of the city. Food was as excellent as it is here. The roads out of the city were a lot worse. Hardly any children walk alone in the streets… almost no bicycles. Nobody wore any gold. Water melon was as expensive as gold.

It was far too dangerous to take a walk outside. It was fun to cook in the apartment with stuff you barely knew about. Giraffe centre gave you a touch and feel of the long necked beasts that were already going down on their numbers. Pics here

The Travel List

Bru and I sat down together and put down a travel list that we have to complete before the end of our lives (assuming we’d have rather long lives to live). Among the list are the following:

Skiing in the Alps – yet to be done

African Safari – done

Niagra Falls – yet to be done

White water rafting – done

Santhosa Island - done

Great Wall of China – yet to be done

World’s End – Somewhat done.

Taj Mahal – Somewhat done

Pyramids - yet to be done

Holy city of Makkah – Somewhat done

Disney world - yet to be done

Eiffel Tower - yet to be done

Jaffna – may be someday

How many jumps does it take to marry a masai woman?

As we entered the village which exhibited a lifestyle of freedom I couldn’t help noticing the variations that created what almost seemed to be a different planet altogether. A place of aliens... fertile soil that was deprived of growing anything in the fear that animals may harm the people to eat them, homes made of the same fertile matter, children with fly smothered faces and dripping noses, women carrying them wearing a dozen pieces of jewellery… lions less than 300 meters away… life that needs to be seen to be explained.

While we are transported by a block of metal that runs on a polluting gas emitting fuel, they either chose to walk or ride on donkey carts. While we ate processed food and pesticide controlled vegetables they choose to rear their own cattle to eat and drink from it. While we lived in homes that needed constant maintenance and repairs they live in thatched huts that have no electricity or water yet had the warmth of a family and the smiles of the children and plenty of “time” together in a timeless world.

The welcoming dance by the females and the good bye dance by the males was entertainment to us but to them the dance marked special occasions like like weddings, circumcision and the birth of a child. In addition the dance was a moment where men had to demonstrate their masculinity and how high they could jump to reach a beautiful woman they wanted to marry. Women in anklets denote that they are married. Their husbands are allowed as many as 7 wives and the number is usually directly prpotional to the amount of cattle they own. Women of the same village are forbidden for marriage because of blood ties. Therefore women have to be found from other nearby villages. Holidays and working days are planned by each individual at their own convenience. Enough space to live and sleep and play… enough logs and twigs to make a fence to protect the sheep from being eaten by predators… enough cattle to feed a village. No evidence of pain or poverty… Enough freedom to smile…!

(pics on Hi5!)

My most wanted Gadget

???

Up next… My most wanted machine

Strictly for time wasters

the purpose

the purpose of life is to find its purpose

Home! Home! Home!

I so wana go home!!!!

She's Always A Woman

by Billy Joel

She can kill with a smile
She can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child
But she's always a woman to me

She can lead you to live
She can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth
But she'll never believe you
And she'll take what you give her as long as it's free
She steals like a thief
But she's always a woman to me

Oh, she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh, and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind

She will promise you more
Than the Garden of Eden
Then she'll carelessly cut you
And laugh while you're bleedin'
But she'll bring out the best
And the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself
Cause she's always a woman to me

She is frequently kind
And she's suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases
She's nobody's fool
But she can't be convicted
She's earned her degree
And the most she will do
Is throw shadows at you
But she's always a woman to me

You should not be thinking these things:

You can never be that dream person you wanted to be

Everything that can be achieved has been achieved

There are no such things as dreams

If you rise too high you will fall

Today is worse than yesterday was

Children are not always innocent

There’s no such things as angels and magic and miracles

There’s a limit to what you can do.

Failing many times means you are no good

There’s no place called heaven

You have more negatives

The world will never end

Good things never happen to good people

There is nothing left to invent or discover

Death is better than life

Animals are beneath man

Love is false

Parents are problematic

Friends are better than family

Hunger is better than sorrow.

That best feeling and then the journey of life continues….

There comes that rare feeling that occurs usually towards the Friday; hardly at mid week and never at the beginning. That rare feeling that gives you the time to write up a silly post like this. That feeling that you can go home with knowing that there will be no pending work on your desk when you return the next day. Now that I mention it I believe there may be a few secondary pending issues waiting to be sorted out but all in all you have made it through that tough week and you can go home to where the better part of your life is – your family. Someone once told me that happiness is a journey not a destination which I was almost about believe, just before I happened to bump into a friend. She follows an MBA while doing 45 hours of lecturing a weekwith a pay that you can call fabulous. I was thinking to myself “what for?” Of course it was mentioned that it brings good money… but is life about money? Does everything boil down to that one factor?

When we were schooling, parents, friends and teachers used to tell us that we have to sacrifice our joys for better times later and we did as they told us. It was the same story at undergraduate level. Once that too is achieved, we feel that now comes the time for enjoyment and no more sacrifices – we can’t be more wrong. They tell you that you are young and energetic right now so you can work your life away. Whatever the theories and laws that we learn or follow, the corporate sector exploits people whether we are willing to accept it or not. It does not enhance corporate growth by enhancing individual growth it rather is a fire fighter giving less attention to the greater tacit things in life while ignoring the long term effects and losses caused by it.

If now is the time we need to work and earn and save up as many bank accounts as possible then when are we going to start living? Some say middle age would be the time. Then what about children, parental issues, family and other ongoing commitments that will tend to take our lives? Do we then shift the “living” part of life to old age… when we would have little or no energy at all to live… when it would be too late and time to pack up. That time that sickness and health will be the only major concerns of our lives? Surely, shouldn’t we know better?

Life is to be lived not saved up for later. Now is the time. If you miss it you will lose it forever. Youth is the most wonderful gift and we can either use or abuse it… but whatever are choices are ‘now’ is the time… there’s no point in dying for materialistic gains of this world. There’s no point struggling to pull through. Troubles and problems will always follow us wherever we are or however old we get… the only thing we have, is this moment to make the most of; to live… to spend time with your family even if it be just a short walk in the park because before you know it you will be far to old to walk and when we reach that period of our lives, the fewer regrets we have the better it is. Before you know it your family may not be with you anymore.

Live a balanced life. Follow your heart; do the little things that make you happy; do things that don’t concern work just coz you wana challenge yourself that you can do without it and are a slave to nothing but your own freedom. Love your life and Live it!

Thank God for the weekends!
Even if it is only 1.5 days :(

Of Mice and Men...

Probably one of the very few novels that got very close to captivating my heart was this one. I don’t know if any human being could possibly get past it without having to shed a tear or two. It has a wonderful beginning, middle and an end that dwells into your soul spiritually cleansing you while doing so. Too bad I was not able to yet get my hands on the unabridged version. (I am also still looking for “Grapes of Wrath”) If I don’t find them by the end of this year I probably would read it up on Google books.

The plot revolves around the journey of two men - one not so wise. It ain’t anything like the motorcycle diaries. Ah… but what is a movie in comparison to a book?
At the end John Steinbeck's does not do justice to his characters but he has an extremely effective way of making them very much a part of your life.

I read it when I was very young. I still remember every detail

You SHOULD read it

Sailing on….

After three days at the FOSSed conference I got back to work to find a whole lot of stuff piled up for me to finish. So I guess I’ll have to put in a few more hours to draw to a close thing that perhaps could have been done without had I had the resources around to be slightly more efficient than myself.

Well this isn’t pressure at all. Pressure was what I had to face may be say in my former work place…. Where night or day did not make any difference and deadlines were dead lines. But for me – happiness is more of a journey than a destination… a state of mind perhaps to which stress is an interference so I had choices and like most of the other people around I chose to do what makes me happy. Sometimes I miss the challenges – especially because I miss the courage that comes out of it. May be that there’s a lot that I am losing but there is also immeasurable gains from the loss in sort of a eerie way. Being busy keeps me happy because it doesn’t give me time to worry about things that are botherations in some way to almost all human kind.

Invariably life goes on… We sail along the seas of life that constantly keep throwing us about…. clutching on hard to the oars hoping that we’ll get to some great destination somewhere... and also in the meantime anticipating a future that looks probably almost invisible to us….!

The ∆ of life

At 20

The world opens its arms

Welcoming the knowledge

Smiling at the stupidity

Thoughts, emotions, hobbies and dreams

flooding through the windows

Like the morning sun

The choices are wide

Limitless bravery

Countless contradictions

Divine bliss

At 40

Life is running out fast

Spinning around

Quick make the bucks

Save for the morrow

A song, a book, a comedy and a home

The family person

And the fearless soul

At 60

The world that turned upside down

Turns right up again

Priceless and invaluable, the memories of yesterday

The wisdom, the illnesses, the grey hair

A sunset, a walk, a smile and a little cheer

A crying grandchild

A garden to love

The green of the home

The silence of the heart

31 March 2005