Negotiation and conflict management tips

Again this is one of those inventions that I haven’t really bothered to pick up at the book stores. It is not really like you have to be a born good or bad negotiator. You can choose to improve. My father for example is an excellent negotiator and very a very diplomatic person. For him it comes naturally. I, on the other hand say it straight and often the results are not very fruitful. Here are some of the tips from my own invention that I am learning to adapt myself to.

- Never say “You are wrong” If you have to say it at all say “It seems there is a small mistake in this”. Ask yourself which of the two sentences you prefer hearing.

- The best approach is the direct approach and that’s what I would generally agree with but given a scenario that has to work in favour of you, it is better that you don’t get to the point all at once when you have to give a negative message. The inductive approach may be a better choice. Read between the lines in the structure of the above sentence.

- Argue about the subject not about or with the person. It is easier said than done but most conversations turn into bitter arguments because people end up being subjective and defensive rather than objective.

- Forget arguments once they are over. DO NOT bring it up at future conversations.

- Make it seem funny. Humour is always good. But could be a dangerous area for those who don’t have humour coming to them naturally

- Finally and most importantly – admit you made a mistake if you have. People will value you as a person who knows yourself and doesn’t hesitate about admitting mistakes. After all everyone makes mistakes.

100 Reasons why I may not smile at you sometimes

A smile is the cheapest way to improve your looks. A smile is curve that sets things straight. It takes barely a second from our busy schedules. Yeah yeah, been there – heard it all. But there are times that no matter how nice it is to smile you just don’t do it. Nobody thinks much about smiling at a funeral. So like all theories it is only applicable to certain scenarios. Yesterday, it was like I got stabbed right there in the heart when someone asked me straight why I don’t smile. Well, on the positive side it leaves me some subject for blogging. So I stayed back typing this up if it has any worth at all.

1. When I’m walking about I am usually thinking about something too hard to concentrate on anyone around or to notice even things around – I know this is kind of selfish.
2. Sometimes I’m thinking that I’m smiling when I actually am not – I know this kind of weird to imagine.
3. Sometimes I think that people are smiling at someone behind m and I don’t smile in return to avoid getting embarrassed
4. Sometimes I’m smiling all the time so there is no need to improve it when someone actually smiles at me.
5. Sometimes I’m afraid to smile at people I don’t know - this is especially on the streets.
6. I’m too stressed at times to smile.

I can’t think of 94 other reasons except for the fact that I know it is wrong and to those who are strong and kind enough to understand, I am very grateful. I will try my best to smile more often rather than waiting for it to come naturally.

Beyond the tears is the bravery

Last Saturday we were at dinner at queens when I received a call on my mobile phone. The urgency of the voice of my brother-in-law – a rather rare and unexpected caller startled me. It was one of those days when bru hadn’t charged his phone and when I had decided to take a different mobile number in order to be not disturbed for official purposes on weekends. That night a terrible road accident caused my biological mother-in-law to be admitted at the accident ward – something that we still can’t come to terms with. She was always cheerful and full of smiles. She was always so witty and would never complain of the immense troubles that she had to go through in her life.

Deeply shocked we rushed to the hospital disappointed by the regulation that we will not be allowed inside without passes. With great difficulty our efforts got us in.

It was perhaps the first time that I was able to see her without her usual smile on. She had a badly fractured tibia and femur, shoulder bone, a small head injury and some fingers that were beyond rescue. Traumatized by the event no one seemed to be in the right mind to do anything. Adding to the pressure were strict regulations. Underneath it all we kept wondering - why her? Is it because she had the strength to take it…? Is it because it was some kind of test? The answers may never be clear. While the pain for her was unbearable, we had to put up with the regulations and leave her there alone for an emergency operation. At home that night, we were challenged by our own minds to accept something that we thought could never happen to a person like her.

When we visited her at the hospital the next day she was once again her cheerful self and smiling through all the pain. We were impressed by her bravery. She assures us now that she is getting better everyday. Every visit is painful and what the future holds at this point of time is a mystery for us as much as it is for her.

Praying for your speedy recovery…

…our darling mummy!