Saturday, June 25, 2005

7 Easy tips for Success

1. Make the most of the worst
When you’re in a difficult situation, think that if you can handle this one good, you can handle almost anything else better.

2. Watch out
When you read or watch something good always watch out for those things that can improve you as a person

3. Roll out bad ideas
When something bad about someone comes to your mind try to understand that person rather than make judgments

4. Use leisure
Always use free time to add value to your life

5. Try not to be predictable
Think of new ways of doing old things

6. Give gifts
Before someone gifts you something always think of what you can do in return

7. Finally don’t forget the fun part

Creating love, friendship and a little wacky humour every now and then could be healthy

Beautiful, Is Everything!

The beauty of realistic thinking
Is in optimistic predictions

The beauty of troubles
Is in keeping calm no matter what

The beauty of a smile
Is in how honest it is

The beauty in anger
Is in taking charge of it

The beauty in cultivating a home
Is in hearing the laughter of a family

The beauty in living
Is in knowing that beautiful is everything

The beauty in dying
Is in knowing you had a life well lived

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Live tomorrow, tomorrow

The tryer dreams of a land that only exists in the tryer’s dreams
The tryer believes not in the land of the living
Nor sees a future in the tangible mess
The tryer laughs at its mistakes and cries at its hopes
As it predicts the tomorrows, it prepares for the worst

The tryer strives to evolve beyond a mere human body to a spiritual greater cause
The tryer is no more than a creature of sand and soil
A reversible piece of organized junk
A messed sixth sense that gives no power or value

The tryer fights its own blood and flesh
Tryer kills; dying in the process
The tryer wishes not for bliss
Nor sees a doorway to freedom
The tryer hears no good words
No good news

Only mystical fireworks inside the dark web that rules
The tryer keeps painting pretty pictures on soiled canvas
It wipes of the scribble marks on the white walls
It sweeps up the troubles under the carpet

To hide and be hidden
Secrets full of woe
It dwells on the hardest thing to do
Not to let it show

Monday, June 20, 2005

It takes more than that….

Considering the comments on my previous post I feel I shouldn’t have said too much knowing I could be influential to people around. As they say what’s done cannot be undone and damn it Murphy; to hell with your law and all the rest!

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

I Quit

I can’t take it anymore. The stress and everything has taken me over and I am possessed by things of which I have no knowledge of. After a long and totally unconvincing conversation with the man I decided I’m quitting my post grads. I still have time and right now I want to enjoy my life doing the things I “like” doing. I don’t want to be forced into this thing. When I can enjoy myself watching a movie or preparing for a class or reading or sleeping, I’ve got to sit around with boring text reading idiotic stuff. I hate it so much. I tried ahrd to take up the pressure courageously, but failed. I can’t help with chores around the house. I can’t join family and staff trips. All my weekends are screwed. I can’t live my bloody life which is getting sicker by the hour. I keep getting on people’s nerves including my own. No one understands what I’m going through except myself so I have decided to stop it once and for all. I get only one chance to live my life and I can’t sacrifice the best years of it, working for some ridiculous worldly matters that add no value to me. It’s all just for other people’s mere human satisfaction. Why did I ever join this bloody thing… why am I saving up my life? It’ll be time to die when I have saved enough to start living. May be I will regret this decision but seriously if you’re reading this blog you know nothing more than what I have told you. You are half the cause of all the pain and misery that I have to go through whether you like to admit that or not so please, please let me make my own decisions for myself?????

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Will I do it?

Let me rule for a day. Give me the place that you are sitting in, for one… just one day!
It’s a sad day when you find out that it’s not accident or time or fortune but just yourself that kept things from you.
Lillian Hellman

When the conversations stop…

The action begins

Thursday, June 02, 2005

A language ahead

I was taken by surprise when an MBA mate commented on my Sinhalese He actually told me that my sinhala was very good - not accented; not inaccurate; just perfect. Hmm… May be the sinhala only gets messed up when I give road instruction or directions to the driver which is not a very rare occurrence.

I am thankful to my neighbours with whom I grew up. Our common language of communication was singhala and if not for them, I think I may have ended up being as bad as my mates back in school. This might sound like a brag but I also am comfortable to use the word “know” for a couple of other languages including Divehi, Urdu and Arabic. Of course, most it I have forgotten now due to lack of being in touch. My dad who is very fluent in French never really got around spreading it to me so I have left that for the future. It’s really nice to know a lot of languages and lots of different cultures. It can take you a long way… especially if you are lost in the streets!

Myself

Ok, so I’ve been told that people enjoy reading my blogs. That’s good to hear. Well not all my blogs are a reflection of things I go through in everyday life. It’s just a matter of sheer relaxation and may be even just a teeny weenie bit of enjoyment. Had a lot in mind and blogger gave me a good opportunity to get rid of some of it. Getting people worked up may be I did sometimes (and believe me there’s quite a few actually). I just do it for fun. I know that is wrong to have fun at the cost of other people’s eh… what shall I say… curiosity? Yeah I know I’m a mean girl and most often I pretend to be double triple mean. I don’t know why. Sometimes colleagues notice it and advice me. Others have given up on me saying I’m beyond advice. He he he (evil smile)

It’s been a good year…. I know its an awkward time of the year to say this but it really has. I learnt a lot. I also lost a lot but for now, I forget the losses and remember the diamonds of yesteryear. Thank you all for even the slightest bit of something you gave me!

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

If I can change one thing about the past what would it be?

For a moment my mind was blank at this question. THERE ACTUALLY WAS NOTHING THAT I WANT TO CHANGE. But then I thought a bit deeper and decided if it was anything at all, it would be the people I had to be with. An impossible anticipation of a perfect world…
Almost any management jargon is about changing people. Why is impossibility discussed to such an extent, I try to speculate.

What’s it with these people? I know I cannot find a land with people only like me. I also know that the process of changing myself is long and knotty. What then am I to do?
I am disturbed by the pins of tomorrow and the needles of yesterday. This is a squander of time and effort when there are better things to be doing or even thinking…. therefore I beg to my memory…to leave me alone!

Achieving Perfection

An ounce of wisdom
A great sense of humour
A little creativity
A pocket full of love
A smile to give
And a friend to have
That’s all you need
Near perfect, to be

Monday, May 30, 2005

Mean to be

Our paths crossed for some reason and now we are left with no choice but to keep walking. According to the theory of relativity some things are just destined to be but I just keep wishing it wasn’t…

Help me!

If there’s someone craving for help in the form of power and sympathy and I am able to give them neither what am I supposed to do?

They

They never bother too look beyond
They are blinded by their own antagonism
They make irrational judgement
Based on subjective opinion and false anecdote
They create nonexistent substance
They attack you with their own wild assumptions and conclusions
No grounds, whatsoever
They believe that all what they think and say is accurate
They leave no room for elucidation
They never give up
They never give in
They torment
They hurt
They pretend
They lie
They mock
“God be nice to them

Because they don’t know how to be nice to others”

Sunday, May 29, 2005

G A (can you get that one?)

Some things are worth belief, even without evidence

What is beyond?

Beyond the clouds, is brightness that cannot be imagined
Beyond the cover of the book, is a whole story
Beyond the eyes, is extraordinary beauty
Beyond what is told, lies what is implied
Beyond witty comments, is true companionship
Beyond the pretty smile, is the hidden hatred
Beyond what is seen, lies the truth…

Saturday, May 28, 2005

The difference

I am what I am not by chance but by choice…

Friday, May 27, 2005

S . T . O. P ! ! !

They keep dumping everything on us as if we have buckets instead of brains.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

A page off my journal

I’m once again glad that the heavy weekend is over and done with and I’m so glad that the Lord has blessed our nation with a few holidays every now and then. It helps me organize myself and get back on my toes. The pleasing sound of the rain outside the window and the books around me kept closed give me a moment for myself.
We are now hitting the sixth month after tsunami happen. We are also at the bridge of crossing ½ the year. Where are we?
There is absolutely nothing to look back on and worse - nothing to look forward to. Where are all those selfless souls that were running around wild after the oceans played their wildest? Some of the funds have been appropriately used and the rest? We simply don’t know…
Are we pretending that things are fine and back to normal now or are we continuing to think that it is up to the government to make hay and to create back the nation for us? Are the fishermen confident to go back into the sea and are the farmers strong enough to harvest again?
Whatever the choices are, the are not limited.

I feel guilty. I also feel helpless alone. I feel scared. I also feel left out. I feel there is no other reason but myself. Why is it that we are here with no hope and no where to go to? As I read arguments on the papers and watch unproductive debates and terrorizing news on TV, I choose to idle around rather than to be haunted by the torturing words and images. There is no action any where else except in the mind!

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Slavery to society

Ok I have a test tomorrow and what am I doing here? I don’t know I just keep reading irrelevant information everywhere. The skype fever is dying out slowly just like everything else does once the fun is over and the tears have dried.

Hmmm… I’ve been thinking. Why is it so difficult to make a decision that makes you fall into the minority? Why is it so easy to accept what everyone agrees with rather than to stand up for your beliefs? Is it a question of being strong enough to stand against the wind?

When I ask my friends why they are into drinking or smoking a common answer would be “to socialize”. Do you think you cannot socialize if you’re not a drinker? Most people don’t want to but do it only because of social pressure so if this “most” people can actually implement their beliefs will this not be so much easier to follow?

I guess that one too will just have to join my dusty thought-shelf to be answered forever. Being among the minority is difficult. I totally agree with Maslow’s social need theory. You cannot survive alone no matter how strong you are but there sure is more than a few ways of achieving this human need, indeed if we but pause to look around. With that let me leave you to think about yourself and how strong you are in standing up against the rest of the world for what you believe in.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Just sharing some experiences

Once, I almost fell in love and had to stop even before getting started and I came to know then, that it was the worst emotion you can ever feel.

To realize that you can’t have someone just when you start liking that someone is bad. Somehow we learned to grow out of the feeling. It was really hard. When people told me break-ups were tough, I never bothered taking it seriously (in fact I use to most of the time be pessimistic and even give negative advice) but after it happened to me I thought never again will I tread in that path to hurt myself so much. I actually never knew before that, what it was like to cry. I used to be so very happy. Anyway I wrapped it all up in a box and put a carpet over it. To think of all the time and pages of my journal that I wasted for him… Can I really call it ‘wasting’? They say you must think twice before you put something in writing. I never did and I’m thankful for it because those pages are the only memories I have of him now. Haven’t heard from him since the break and I guess I never will but it is certainly a sad fact that those feelings never go away 100%. When people tell me sad stories about their emotional lives my mind always goes back to those sorrowful times. Wish we can take some drugs to completely forget it. Well that’s enough of soppy stories for now. I don’t know why we keep splashing around blogger with these ones.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Where have all the good men gone?

This morning on my way to work I noticed a trishaw splash its way through a puddle of water only to soil the clothes of a couple of little kids walking clad in white shirts, white sarongs and this cloth that goes around the shoulders. My heart went out to them.

The other day my friend and I had to take a tuk tuk out somewhere. He was so reckless I thought my minutes were numbered. We kept praying and telling him that we were in no hurry to die.

Where have all the private organizations and the so called “social responsibility” gone to? Doesn’t someone need to educate these people? Can’t we expect a little bit of professionalism from them? Or are we going to be classed as underdeveloped countries for ever? Well the root of the situation is that where in the world do we first get our lessons from? Why the hell do men toot the horn so much when they see lady drivers when most of us ladies are better drivers than men. Insecurity is it? Yes, we stop at the crossings and we do not switch lanes and we WAIT for the vehicle in front to turn and if the men of this nation have no patience then we are in deep graves. It’s totally pathetic – the buses and the trishaws and the rest. Will someone please stand up for us?

Check this out

Check this out

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Drawing lines

To draw a line between a smile and a laugh
To draw a line between having fun and getting stuff done
To draw a line between passing and failing someone
To draw a line between momentary existence and mere living
To draw a line between foolishness and bravery
To draw a line between being friends and more
To draw a line between being unhappy and being unfocused
To draw a line between motivation and punishment
To draw a line between being friendly and firm
To draw a line between myself and the world
To draw a line that shall cut through all the above lines…

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

What is religion?

I try to keep religion out of most matters for the sake of peace and with my level of ignorance it could be just treading onto dangerous territory. I’m no qualified individual to give statements of Fatwa. All that I can is to voice simple human opinion and if you ask me I think that one should not be too concerned of the opinion of others. Therefore this is for hearing from one ear and letting out from the other…

Religion by definition should have a God (something of power) and a set of guidelines or whatever that defines the “hows” of the ways one may go about life. This would mean that a person could believe in God but not have a religion or even vice-versa. Many atheists and intellectuals believe that Religion is simply for the less capable or the ones who have no self-control and therefore need to abide by a set of regulations. For one thing religion is definitely more than guidelines with a God. Is it then a science? Correct me if I’m wrong - to me Islam is not a religion if this be its definition. Islam to me in just a simple term is “life”.

A little diversion… (Since it crossed my mind just now)

Most religions (this word should be used with care) of the world were somewhat incomplete. Christianity is something like an upgraded version of Judaism (which is also an upgrade) and Islam the upgraded version of Christianity just like most of the other things around
.
Buddhism which could have been an upgrade to Hinduism is a philosophy – one in my opinion that is far ahead of most other commonly practised religions or state law. The outcome of research on what life is and how it could be best lived. If we look through a magnifying glass do we see a close connection between culture and religion? Now, which influenced which? There has also been some past concern about the closeness in the teachings of the lord Buddha and the prophet Muhammed. In fact there has also been some suspicion as to whether the Lord Buddha could have even been a prophet. This though which has no evidence, is a notion mainly due to the fact that although there were over a hundred thousand prophets only twenty five of their names have been mentioned in the Quran. This however is a diversion from my initial topic.

Does a man need a religion? No certainly not. It is only a choice – an answer at difficult situations. If man was perfect enough to live his life with absolutely no user manual then why has man himself felt the need to come up with judicial state laws and the like? Why not have these only for the lesser mortals? This is a question that has tickled the minds of many. It is but a trickle of thought that has scratched the minds of man time and time again through history and will continue to trouble stemming buds like us only to leave with no answer. With this I hope that I would keep to my initial principle of keeping things of religious concern out of common conversation but going back to my definition, how can I not when everything is in someway related to it?

The best to do is to concentrate on what makes our life more productive rather than on such vain and conclusion-less thoughts and arguments of this nature. For me it’s back to books now!

Monday, May 16, 2005

I can’t fight this feeling any longer….

I am surprised that I still find the strength to type this. I reach home @ 6pm and sleep till 7. When I wake up I realize I have to be at a group meeting @ 7. I rush there to find that a few still haven’t arrived. After two hours of a very productive meeting I’m home @ 15 past 9 hungry and more than that sleepy. I munch something quickly and get down to some leftover work off the meeting that should be mailed to all. It’s back to work tomorrow and I’m praying that the night be as long as it possibly can. Now as I send this mail I’m wishing that I could skip this semester, take three months off just to be a slave to laziness and start over fresh next year. But I’m only afraid that I will loose the interest and that I will fail in overpowering my laziness for a second time. Who can save me from this dilemma?

Tell me why

This was a well established company in the heart of Colombo headed by a well known dynamic and highly educated individual. It’s almost two years now since I had the interview. He simply asked me the usual series of questions that any interview would have. I knew the job would be mine even before I went for the interview. I was taken by surprise.

Terms and conditions were all satisfactory. He stated that I was perfect for the job, but there was a condition. He asked me if I can work without the head scarf at least within the premises of the building. I was tempted to ask “to what extent does my head scarf influence my capacity to work here?” but I did not speak because this was a man well-read speaking to me. His answer by no means would have justified his decision.

Can my capabilities be by any means be affected by the head scarf that I wear? Will I be less efficient than anyone else at the same level. Thanking him I walked out thinking why he in the brilliance of his mind simply thought so...

Friday, May 13, 2005

On Polygamy

Question: Why is a man allowed to have more than one wife in Islam? i.e. why is polygamy allowed in Islam?
Answer: ( by Dr. Zakir Naik)
1. Definition of Polygamy
Polygamy means a system of marriage whereby one person has more than one spouse. Polygamy can be of two types. One is polygyny where a man marries more than one woman, and the other is polyandry, where a woman marries more than one man. In Islam, limited polygyny is permitted; whereas polyandry is completely prohibited.
Now coming to the original question, why is a man allowed to have more than one wife?
2. The Qur'an is the only religious scripture in the world that says,"marry only one".
The Qur'an is the only religious book, on the face of this earth, that contains the phrase `marry only one'. There is no other religious book that instructs men to have only one wife. In none of the other religious scriptures, whether it be the Vedas, the Ramayan, the Mahabharat, the Geeta, the Talmud or the Bible does one find a restriction on the number of wives. According to these scriptures one can marry as many as one wishes. It was only later, that the Hindu priests and the Christian Church restricted the number of wives to one.
Many Hindu religious personalities, according to their scriptures, had multiple wives. King Dashrat, the father of Rama, had more than one wife. Krishna had several wives.
In earlier times, Christian men were permitted as many wives as they wished, since the Bible puts no restriction on the number of wives. It was only a few centuries ago that the Church restricted the number of wives to one.
Polygyny is permitted in Judaism. According to Talmudic law, Abraham had three wives, and Solomon had hundreds of wives. The practice of polygyny continued till Rabbi Gershom ben Yehudah (960 C.E to 1030 C.E) issued an edict against it. The Jewish Sephardic communities living in Muslim countries continued the practice till as late as 1950, until an Act of the Chief Rabbinate of Israel extended the ban on marrying more than one wife.
3. Hindus are more polygynous than Muslims
The report of the `Committee of The Status of Woman in Islam', published in 1975 mentions on page numbers 66 and 67 that the percentage of polygamous marriages between the years 1951 and 1961 was 5.06% among the Hindus and only 4.31% among the Muslims.
According to Indian law only Muslim men are permitted to have more than one wife. It is illegal for any non-Muslim in India to have more than one wife. Despite it being illegal, Hindus have more multiple wives as compared to Muslims. Earlier, there was no restriction even on Hindu men with respect to the number of wives allowed. It was only in 1954, when the Hindu Marriage Act was passed that it became illegal for a Hindu to have more than one wife. At present it is the Indian Law that restricts a Hindu man from having more than one wife and not the Hindu scriptures.
Let us now analyse why Islam allows a man to have more than one wife.
4. Qur'an permits limited polygyny
As I mentioned earlier, Qur'an is the only religious book on the face of the earth that says `marry only one'. The context of this phrase is the following verse from Surah Nisa of the Glorious Qur'an:
"Marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one."
[Al-Qur'an 4:3]
Before the Qur'an was revealed, there was no upper limit for polygyny and many men had scores of wives, some even hundreds. Islam put an upper limit of four wives. Islam gives a man permission to marry two, three or four women, only on the condition that he deals justly with them.
In the same chapter i.e. Surah Nisa verse 129 says:
"Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women...." [Al-Qur'an 4:129]
Therefore polygyny is not a rule but an exception. Many people are under the misconception that it is compulsory for a Muslim man to have more than one wife.
Broadly, Islam has five categories of Do's and Don'ts:
i. `Fard' i.e. compulsory of obligatory
ii. `Mustahab' i.e. recommended or encouraged
iii. `Mubah' i.e. permissible or allowed
iv. `Makruh' i.e. not recommended or discouraged
v. `Haraam' i.e. prohibited or forbidden
Polygyny falls in the middle category of things that are permissible. It cannot be said that a Muslim who has two, three or four wives is a better Muslim as compared to a Muslim who has only one wife.
5. Average life span of females is more than that of males
By nature males and females are born in approximately the same ratio. A female child has more immunity than a male child. A female child can fight the germs and diseases better than the male child. For this reason, during the pediatric age itself there are more deaths among males as compared to the females.
During wars, there are more men killed as compared to women. More men die due to accidents and diseases than women. The average life span of females is more than that of males, and at any given time one finds more widows in the world than widowers.
6. India has more male population than female due to female foeticide and infanticide
India is one of the few countries, along with the other neighbouring countries, in which the female population is less than the male population. The reason lies in the high rate of female infanticide in India, and the fact that more than one million female foetuses are aborted every year in this country, after they are identified as females. If this evil practice is stopped, then India too will have more females as compared to males.
7. World female population is more than male population
In the USA, women outnumber men by 7.8 million. New York alone has one million more females as compared to the number of males, and of the male population of New York one-third are gays i.e sodomites. The U.S.A as a whole has more than twenty-five million gays. This means that these people do not wish to marry women. Great Britain has four million more females as compared to males. Germany has five million more females as compared to males. Russia has nine million more females than males. God alone knows how many million more females there are in the whole world as compared to males.
8. Restricting each and every man to have only one wife is not practical
Even if every man got married to one woman, there would still be more than thirty million females in U.S.A who would not be able to get husbands (considering that America has twenty five million gays). There would be more than four million females in Great Britain, 5 million females in Germany and nine million females in Russia alone who would not be able to find a husband.
In Western society, it is common for a man to have mistresses and/or multiple extra-marital affairs, in which case, the woman leads a disgraceful, unprotected life. The same society, however, cannot accept a man having more than one wife, in which women retain their honourable, dignified position in society and lead a protected life.
Thus the only two options before a woman who cannot find a husband is to marry a married man or to become public property. Islam prefers giving women the honourable position by permitting the first option and disallowing the second.There are several other reasons, why Islam has permitted limited polygyny, but it is mainly to protect the modesty of women.

Such parasites will always live thru time

Last Sunday at a group meeting with my fellow colleages at class a very interesting, but usual thing happen. One of the guys openly declared that he will strictly NOT indulge in any team work. He said he was far too busy at work and when he gets home after eight he makes time for his wife and kids and that he cannot do any work for the assignment. He said “You share the work and I share only your marks”.

Such parasites were a common creation among students in the undergraduate level. But here too? With my eyes open wide I thought to myself its all coming all over again.

Look, if people need only the qualification, for god’s sake why not just let them have it? Some people just try to survive by drowning others. Often students come to you and complain about fellow team-mates who are bad team players. - “I cannot work with him/her”; “Please change our groups”; “If I’m stuck with them I will not work”-. These are a few of the phrases that stimulate our holy advice of how it is not an ideal world and out there in the industry you do not get to choose your buddies. Dealing with teams is part of the learning process. Some people will work and some people will not and there is no perfect education or any other system that can prevent this. Life is unfair, true enough. One thing is for sure – at the end of the day people who work more will certainly benefit.

A difficult but effective thing to do is to look at the positives of every sad situation that hits our lives. I recently came across Gunith’s blog which talks a lot of negatives of a situation. It is human nature to critically analyse all situations. Negatives appear first and that is unavoidable but at all times we must try hard to suppress negative feelings and highlight the positives.

As for my team - I am going to be selfish and work harder than everyone else. For me - knowledge is definitely more valuable than grades. I know this sounds nerdy but his guy who doesn’t want to work is actually unconsciously creating an opportunity for me to learn more and I, am not going to miss it!

Happy working, people!

A silent prayer

Lord, help me to admit when I am wrong make me easier to live with when I am right.

My fault

I know I suck at poetry writing. Yet it is one form of writing pleasure where free falling can actually feel real smooth and good. Beside who really cares about rules and regulations?
Here’s another one of my soppy ones.

How can you twist
my smiles into a frown?
How do have the heart
to make my eyes smart?
How can you watch
the tears on my face?
How can you make my bright day
turn so very grey?
Don’t you hear my call
or do you pretend you cant?
Why did I do wrong to you?
When was I never true?
How come you can be so strong
to make me feel that I am wrong?
The only mistake I ever made
Was to fall… free fall for you!

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

As I celebrate…

As I celebrate the first anniversary of my blogging life I’m wondering what life it really has. The only law/theory that I found 100% practical from business is the law/theory of diminishing marginal utility which in common man’s language is “Bloody fed up of it”.

Really I don’t know why I get so bored so fast. In fact I’m surprised this lasted a year. Everything I do seems to run out fast. If a sem was anything more than 14 weeks I’d rather beg on the streets. Well what can I say? I get tired of things real fast!

And to make things worse….

Two group assignments and a test already. What a treat! It seems like it’s coming all over again. I feel miserable thinking of all those things I need to remember. Why are good things so hard to get?

I hate using blogging as a means of getting it out. And here goes my grumbling again!

Monday, May 09, 2005

The way the world works....

People who have nothing are sometimes right at the top because people who have everything lack the willingness to move forward!

Sunday, May 08, 2005

The law of diminishing marginal utility

You get fed up with everything at some point and it is then… that its time to pack up!

Nothing left

The worst discovery you can ever make is to discover that everything that needs to be discovered has already been discovered!
Even wrong decisions work for good if the teach us to make wiser decisions in the future. Being indecisive is the worst of the two

Myths and legends

If theories are not applicable in practical life why are they even there?

Friday, May 06, 2005

Deceit

There was once hope
Of an unseen world
One that promised bliss
And eternal Freedom

They promised love
They promised education
Bought for life

Pain; Hurt; Misery
When will this dictionary
Ever see
Better words?
Better days?

But the terrible truth
Is that
There’s no fruit
That’s coming from this little dry seed
No more than a weed
It shall grow to be

This silly feeling
Of life without meaning

She runs

She runs into the wilderness
Seeking help
Futile, her effort in screaming
No soul hears
No nice memories
Just A life of no meaning

In the batting of an eye
Her whole life changed
How the friendly world
Could suddenly be so strange?

Molested by the disguise of love
Who has she left that she may trust
The wounds on her skin
Medication may put right
But the wounds in her heart?
A lifetime’s carving

“Death”
– a silent answer
blows in the wind
but why
should she die?
When it was to live that she was born?

To her and million others
Life would be nothing more
Than a living deathA cursed soul

Suicide

Sitting on the railway line
Everything seems so still and so fine
Painful silence
Lonesome Wilderness

Up into the air
Her eyelids rise
Not a soul to care
Where are all the men, so wise?

So Silent
So still
She wonders
The sky has not a single cloud
The thoughts in her head so loud

Hunger for guidance
Need for a prayer
A dusty wind blows
Faraway somewhere…

The toot of a horn
to break the still silence
A few more moments
And soon she’ll be gone
Into a world of which
No one knows

Would it be better? She wonders
Will it be painful? She ponders
But what could be worse
than the pain she already feels?

The minutes pass
and louder gets the sound,
Slowly she lays
her head on the ground

“I love you dear Amma
And I so don’t want to go,
But there seems like
There’s no other way out
Nothing good, no more”

Slowly, she closes her eyes
Against the sun so bright
She hears the hoarse hum
Through the cold steel rods comes the fright

So many broken promises,
So many lies
So many disappointments,
No way to rise

When to hold on there’s no rope
When there’s nothing left to hope
When there’s nothing to shout about
Suicide seems the only way out

Born like the others on earth
Living each day with pain
Suffering since birth
All lost and no gain

The trains very near
Her heart fills with fear
She tightens her eye lids
And clenches her fists

Newspaper headlines
She would make tomorrow
God save the others
From their sorrow

She smiles her very last
Bitter memories and thoughts rush past
The trains getting closer
It’s coming very fast

Dreams and wishes
Love and kisses
Hopes for Bliss
People she may miss

And before long
She will be gone
Her dreams with her she shall take
Of a life that she could never make

Joy in her eyes
Sorrow in her soul
No one to advice
Left all alone

No one cares
About the heavy burden she bares
That’s what she believes
That’s what she’s told

Her final thought
The tough battle she’s fought
The war she’s lost
She can’t face the cost

Everyone everywhere,
No one has the time to spare
Death is now on its way
Finally happy, on her very last day

The great iron dragon
Cuts its way through the wind
Tearing her flesh
And spreading her blood

A girl so beautiful, so young
Shamed and stabbed
Bitten and stung
She couldn’t raise her voice
Left with only one choice

Gone, she is now
No one knows where
No one knows how
Nobody there, No family to care

Live, she will
In our hearts for sometime
Until there comes
Another headline


Samanthi was pretty. She was intelligent. There was no one to recognise it. Often, she’d run to the railway line and watch children go to school and wonder what it was like at school. She liked to dance. She some how knew she would be good at it.

With a drug addicted mother and a child molesting father there was no way she would be able to be like the girls clad in white cotton dresses. There was no way her skills would come to light. She would sometimes beg, sometimes would steal. The only other choice was slavery. “Simply less fortunate”. That’s what her mother would say to her.

The boys would tease at her dirty hair and torn clothes. And tears would fill her little eyes. No peace at home in the nights. No food on the ground because her mother is beaten up too much. Her thin baby brother is wailing at the noise. Her father would be after her in no time. Where could she run to.. she keeps thinking. Her scared little heart worn away with pain. Suicide the only way out!

Suicide rates are always on a constant increase. People need counselling, love, affection and advice. Are we too busy to give it to them? Prevention is better than cure. Let not our little children lose their lives or waste them.

It’s not enough putting up notices to stop child abuse and juvenile crime. It’s time to reach out and save those little lives. Let’s start with our own homes. Get rid of slave children and child labour. Adapt where we can. Teach them something and most of all show them we care.There’s much more happiness in spreading it rather than keeping it to your self. Let there be no more Samanthi’s in our land.

…About Liars and Dishonesty

“It is ok not to tell the truth always but it is also dishonest to stay quiet!”

Artificial Emotion

Have you ever considered whether feelings are what stimulate, what supplement or what exactly are your needs are?

The smiling students on the way, blurry images of a nightmare, co-workers, family, pets and artificially controlled elements controlling me – NO LIFE – that’s how I would describe it. Taken over by an artificial world, trained in artificial systems, programmed and planned, nothing spontaneous; nothing unique, just a mundane component of the old game. Out of the world crazy ideas that have no worth now posses me. No support, no gravity no friction, not anti-matter. I have no want to be a part of a known and planned game yet I am not here merely by chance. These emotions are not my own nor are they creation; they are but artificially imposed upon me. No tear of mine is magic potion; No glare has a cause; Nor this thought any meaning. A mere feeling that has no explanation on what need is to be satisfied.

Friday, April 29, 2005

The Muslims of Sri Lanka

This is no extract from Lorna Dewaraja’s Book – One Thousand years of Ethnic Harmony. It is neither enlightenment for those who may not exactly know. It is just a bit of my own observation, findings and word of mouth hearing so there’s a high chance that some of the facts may be incorrect. The objective of this, I will highlight later.

The Muslims of Sri Lanka consists of the majority being the Moors from Morocco, the second highest Muslim population – the Malays from Indonesia and Malaysia (brought here for defence purposes small as they are) and the Memons, Indian Moors and Boras from Pakistan and India and I’m not sure if Iran is involved here. The Arabians and Persians also have some mark here. All the above mentioned are followers of Islam and what distinguishes them is nationality and race and not religion. As for me – I am truly Sri Lankan having the gay name Vedaralalage Gedara (not very sure of spellings) and my origins being the early people of Colombo and Kandy.

I don’t know how we got here (trading or something) but reading from some reliable sources I understand that the Muslims of Sri Lanka have a long history. There are indications that Muslims have been in Sri Lanka as far back as the 7th century. Marco Polo who broke journey in Ceylon had observed a significant Muslim presence in the country in the 13th century. Ibnu Batuta in 1344 when visiting Ceylon had also noted Muslim settlement in the hinterland

One of the objectives I’m trying to highlight with this post is that the Muslims are sometimes afraid of speaking of the rights and privileges of the community, or to study its needs and create far sighted policies and programmes for it’s wellbeing or for effective interaction with other communities. “The misconception that many Muslims have is that the other communities would consider the Muslims to be communal if they spoke about a Muslim Factor. This misconception has always been the greatest obstacle for the Muslim unity and progress in the country. There has been a misconception in the Muslim Community that if they speak of their needs, rights or aspirations, it would create communal disharmony. This unfounded fear has created a situation where the needs and aspirations of the Muslim Community of Sri Lanka are not properly portrayed by the Community and therefore not properly understood by other communities and the state. The waves of destruction of 12/26 also washed away, this grave misconception.”

If Muslims do not speak of their problems, their needs, their aspirations and their rights, who would? Can highlighting the factors that significantly affect any community be termed “Communal”? Why, in this country is a Muslim looked at as a Muslim and not as a person? I am not to forget here that Muslims who do not reside in rural areas of course have so many privileges rather than the ones that even in live Muslim nations. Let me emphasise “Muslim” but not “Islamic” nations. To most of us, meeting the person first is more important than meeting his/her religion or the race but unfortunately to the majority this is not the case. Religion is a right of all human an each is entitled to his/her belief why should it interfere with anything? We should always try to keep out of what is not our business. Part of a man's good practice of Islam is avoiding what does not concern him. There is almost no need that each community interfere with the others rituals and beliefs unless of course it be a socially unethical and unacceptable thing to do (not necessarily agreed by the majority).
Coming soon… “Islam and slaughtering”

Islam and terrorism

“Whoever sees a vice should stoi it by hand, if not by tongue or should hate it – but this is the lowest”

Islam has been given a false image by especially the west and ironically more so, by the some of the Muslims themselves. Terrorism, war, killing and bloodshed are nothing close to Islam. ‘Islam’ means ‘peace’ both literarily and spiritually. Islam is derived from the word salaam which also means peace. Salaam is the way in which Muslims great each other. Assalamu Alaikum means “May peace be with you”

Many intellectuals, movies, newspapers and periodicals demonstrate Islam as an evil creating a false impression for those who blindly believe. The sword symbol of KSA has almost no relationship to Islam which did not spread by the sword.

Jihad or Islamic war is only allowed for self defence or if taken over by a tyrant. But this war need not even be physical. Jihad means “striving” and this striving is not only in the use of weapons. Patience is greater jihad. The Prophet (PBUH) said “Powerful is not he who knocks the other down but the one who controls his anger”.

What we see around is nothing like jihad. Many Muslims tend to practice Islam in manners that are far from it and hence the reason for wrong impression and misinterpretation. The Prophet was a peaceful man who lead Islam by example. In many countries like Singapore, China and even India (most parts) and Sri Lanka Muslims are considered to be a peaceful community that harms no one and hates no one. In Sri Lanka, Muslims are known to have been playing a more or less passive role except at certain extreme situations. Muslims in the north and east of Sri Lanka have been the innocent victims of a war that was fought between two other communities.
It all boils down to one thing – we are all human and the bottom line is that no one man by nature hates another. All children are born pure and free of sins. If the sahabis or friends of the prophet were around during this moment of terror, torture and war they would never have fought in such a way that harmed the unarmed – the women, the old, the children, plants and animals. (May peace be with them)

Is it obligation or affection?

Does family really love you or is it just a cliché? They have you, so they have to feed, educate and bring you to a satisfying living status. If it’s just duty and responsibility and nothing more, is there anything wrong with it or will it blemish the mental development of an individual. Love is a need like food – true. But for those who know not what it is, will it ever feel like a need?

Although a few cases are accidental most parents and families tend to want and love their children long before they are even concieved and it is not just something brought about by social pressure like most other things are. It is true and it is more than obligation and satisfaction.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

All you can do in a day

I left on Thursday evening to Kandy. I was not able to convince my way out. The traffic was nauseating. I however realized there’s a lot I can do in a day.

I started Friday with mopping and cleaning. Yes – good work out. Made time for a quick shower, carom and some scrabble. Ate for two at lunch. Read “Dissemination Point” from Dan Brown. Yeah good story but not good enough to keep me awake. I fell asleep with it. Yes a good, long deep sleep and the weather was perfect. Woke up with that sick feeling. Gossiped with the cousins. Read through some assignments. Just read – no marking. On Saturday morning I was on my way back to home-sweet-home and the miserable thought of having to sit at a five hour lecture starting from 2:00pm. On the way the sun was too bright to let me sleep so I thought back on the previous days events. Yes I did do a lot, didn’t I? and I was able to suppress the indolence. The reason was because number one – I didn’t have the lap top and number two – the channels weren’t clear on TV. Not there is anything to watch on our pathetic tv channels. Anywayz… its back to a work week now and believe me there are way more important things that I should be doing right now

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

God didn’t will it!

It went wrong. God didn’t will it. It can be bad when u have to make plans and they change due to matters that are beyond your control. I didn’t think it would be, but it darn is.

Everything seemed to work perfectly for a while. It was like my whole life was set and going on well. I was happy and there was nothing I wanted to change. But then it hit me… and everything got topsy tervy and now I just am going on wherever it takes me.

Is there a really a reason for all that is happening or is it some stupid chemical reaction, I cant help thinking.

Monday, April 18, 2005

She

Many sweet words about a mother

Many great men have put down on paper

This would be yet another unsuccessful attempt

In putting down something so spiritual

So divine… as motherhood

Just in simple words and nothing more

Forgive me my dear mama

If words demean this grand stature

That God has blessed you with

Yet this little booklet

spares me nothing more

Than a few simple words

To tell you what I care for

Today and everyday

For the rest of my life

You were the only soul

That loved me long before

Even I knew who I was

How much of your sweet slumber did I take away?

How much fear and pain did I cause?

How much love did you give me in return?

How much do I owe?

When I was bad

The world turned against me

But to you I was the same

However good or bad

With my faults and my weaknesses

You never jeopardised your love for me

Not one single moment

You punished me for my wrong

And you rewarded me for my good

You made me grow out of my tears

And face the real world

You cried with my sorrows

And smiled with my joys

Now you leave me nothing more to ask for

All my life

This great debt I’ll have

This bond we share

Beginning from before birth

And going on until beyond death

Our bond will be

Like the umbilical strand that

Once attached you and me

Only…

This shall never

Never break ever

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

The Hijaab

Lots of people ask me why are wear the hijaab (head cover). The answer is not complicated and it is juts a matter of belief of the heart. However, this was an article that I wrote approximately 6 years ago and revised a few times….

The term Hijaab has a literal meaning of something close to a veil or covering. Its Islamic concept however is much greater in depth and perhaps forms an important corner stone of human social life. The western media has been extremely quick and ruthless in tainting the Hijaab as a vivid expression of suppression of women in Islam. The truth is far from it.

The Hijaab is not only a covering of ones head or body. It is not a camouflage either, but it is a bold expression of female modesty and submission to the will of Allah. It elevates the status of women from being an item of exhibition or a source of lust, to a pinnacle of dignity. It epitomizes the highest levels of respect a woman can reach. As the Quran says “Say to the believing women that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear there of”(24: 31)

The Hijaab is a loose garment worn over one’s usual clothing. It should conceal the shape of the female form. A woman in Hijaab must have her body covered from head to toe except what must ordinarily appear thereof: the hands and the face. Her gaze should be towards the ground. Her posture or walk should not attract undue attention. Allah says in the Quran in Sura 33:59, “O Prophet, tell your wives and daughters and the women of the believers to draw upon their over-garments. That is more appropriate so that they may be recognized and not molested”

The human female form is a work of divine art. It is to be respected. It is to be protected from eyes that roam and evils that linger. When the requirements are met, the woman is naturally elevated to a very high pedestal of dignity and virtue. The roots of a dignified society spring forth from the womb of the woman in Hijaab, who commands everyone’s respect.

The lack of understanding Islam or the deliberate refusal to do so by the west and those who ape the western culture, will never accept that the fact that when a woman covers herself in the true spirit of Islam that is a supreme act of sacrifice as well as satisfaction of pleasing none but Allah. It is really impossible for them to understand that while a woman in Hijaab physically closes herself to the world, she opens to herself the Gates of Paradise.

The commercial exploitation of women in the form of models and advertisements, even upto the level of complete nakedness shows that if there is no proper dress code for a woman she becomes an article valued in money. In contrast the woman in Hijaab becomes a symbol of female dignity and purity.

If every woman adheres to the spiritual and physical concept of Hijaab and every man accepts this divine decree, the world would definitely be a better place to live in.

Friday, March 25, 2005

Humanization

Some of my previous posts have been miserable failures of attempts to humanize soulless matter. This one isn’t about humanizing objects and other such matters. It is rather about dehumanizing ourselves.

The word in context - humanizing - may slightly differ here; as in it means “giving life to” or “making human of” After all we should have the freedom of expression, shouldn’t we?

Most of us tend to connect ourselves in a strange manner to the vehicles we own, our beds (specially when away from home), machinery and other equipment. Every person has someTHING that he or she is emotionally connected to. SomeTHING that only death can part us from. A childhood toy, some creative software application, a book or anything at all? Now we cannot deny that can we? Pets and plants are at a stage between the lifeless and the living. But here let us just stick with those connections that are solely materialistic.

It is definitely not a bad thing. But is it a good thing?

In the process of making mutual connections with these so called mechanistic soul-mates, do we tend to loose the humanness in us too? Most people today are proud of the fact of being semi-human. Lost with industrialization and hooked on by technology so much that we imply ourselves as those that are little good for anything else other than fixing up something mechanic. Are we really meant to be so?

Where has all the good sense of humour and romance gone to? The cheerfulness of the hearts and the music of the voices have perished. All we do is think mechanically, talk mechanically, act mechanically and in the process, forget that we are human. Isn’t being human surely the highest of all possible states? Then why is that we strive to degrade ourselves into the machine-man age? Do we agree that the best of both man and machine will merge to evolve into a more extra-ordinary piece of work that has much more than a soul or mind? With the AI attempts of making the machine into a man… is the reverse really coming true? Well, it seems like not far away is the era of man mating with machine.

However, to all those of us who believe that we MUST NOT loose that human touch let us put together ourselves and be a little more human each day. Because if we bring evolution upon ourselves too fast, I seriously cannot imagine where it will end

What’s common between alcohols and make up?

Men who consume excess alcohol and women who wear too much make up have character deficiency problems.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

The Sting

The painful truth stings the night
Never in my life have I missed something so much before
Whenever there was something tickling my mind cells,
I always turned to him,
I would talk and he would listen
Quietly and Patiently
His silent breath
And his tremble upon my touch

He never let me down, not one moment
I never parted from him
Not one single night or day
Everywhere I went
Every tangled thought
He was there to share it with me

He stood by me right through the final year
And when I was angry or sad or full of fear
His comforting entertainment
The games we played
And the music we listened to

I didn’t know then that I was in love
And now that he is gone
I realize the stinging truth


Never have I ever missed my lap-top ever so much

Friday, March 18, 2005

The First Two Classes...

I don’t have to really sit in an MBA class of 2 whole hours to find out that “Finance is the language of business”. What artistic literary phrases that have absolutely no sense! And I scribble some notes down because I get the feeling that the professor expects me to. Then he asks us some rather silly things and a few talk of some experiences at their work places, trying their best to fit in some dry jokes. So I fake a laugh. (The experiences were a little interesting). I scribble more notes in different colours and managed to draw a few very cute things and then to my horror this really big guy (man rather) wants my notes. I happened to have some poems scribbled in it so I hesitate a little but explaining why I can’t lend the book would have been a worse challenge… so I just gave it to him saying “I hope you can understand my scribbling”. I’m sure he won’t. Then in the soft skills lesson we are asked to make this silly origami thing out of some note paper. I managed to make something that has no name. (MBA also helped me learn that I have forgotten most of my hand-work). Then we had to write three goals and three obstacles in order of difficulty that prevented us from achieving these goals. Something that I ask my students do, too. It went on ok… you know those times you wished the clock hands moved real fast. In any case I come home with this pain, right in the middle of my brain and I want to just sleep but then dinner is forced into me and I fall into the midst of… And I’m wondering is this really the right attitude to start with?

Friday, March 11, 2005

A thousand miles begins with one step but no one said it ends that way…


Not quite the title for this one but….

….Ok so I started the mba and next Sunday is gonna be my first class insha Allah.

I’ve totally been out of the studying mode and I don’t know how I am gonna handle the work load and stress. People are saying all kinds of things but here I am sailing on. A year ago it was different story… I thought ‘bachelors’ and that’s it…. but now the requirements have changed. Your first degree is just the first step and really doesn’t get you the thousand miles following. And getting academic gives all the more credit to that statement. I however hope Ill find some time now and then to write a few lines for my blogs.

Friday, March 04, 2005

The Prophet's Last Sermon

This Sermon was delivered on the Ninth Day of Dhul Hijjah 10 A.H in the Uranah Valley of mount Arafat.
"O People, lend me an attentive ear, for I don't know whether, after this year, I shall ever be amongst you again. Therefore listen to what I am saying to you carefully and take these words to those who could not be present here today.
O People, just as you regard this month, this day, this city as Sacred, so regard the life and property of every Muslim as a sacred trust. Return the goods entrusted to you to their rightful owners. Hurt no one so that no one may hurt you. Remember that you will indeed meet your Lord, and that He will indeed reckon your deeds. Allah has forbidden you to take usury (Interest), therefore all interest obligation shall henceforth be waived...
Beware of Satan, for your safety of your religion. He has lost all hope that he will ever be able to lead you astray in big things, so beware of following him in small things.
O People, it is true that you have certain rights with regard to your women, but they also have right over you. If they abide by your right then to them belongs the right to be fed and clothed in kindness. Do treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers. And it is your right that they do not make friends with any one of whom you do not approve, as well as never to commit adultery.
O People, listen to me in earnest, worship Allah , say your five daily Salat, fast during the month of Ramadan, and give your wealth in Zakat. Perform Hajj if you can afford to. You know that every Muslim is the brother of another Muslim. You are all equal. Nobody has superiority over other except by piety and good action.
Remember, one day you will appear before Allah and answer for your deeds. So beware, do not astray from the path of righteousness after I am gone.
O People, no prophet or apostle will come after me and no new faith will be born. Reason well, therefore, O People, and understand my words which I convey to you. I leave behind me two things, the Qu'ran and my example, the Sunnah and if you follow these you will never go astray.
All those who listen to me shall pass on my words to others and those to others again; and may the last ones understand my words better than those who listen to me directly. "Be my witness oh Allah that I have conveyed your message to your people."

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Gifted, Priceless

It’s my dad’s birthday today and I actually wrote him a letter. Hand made cards, poems and letters with gifts used to be the norm, every year till I was about 10 or 11 and then it gradually stopped. Time and other things came up. So this year I did it and I hope it made him happy. And I hope that I can make him happy always. The best gifts are those that money can’t buy like peace and happiness and love or even a smile…. So if you are lost about what to do for a loved one then get a pen and put your heart in words…. Words cannot do much by themselves but sometimes it just might move a mountain… you never know…

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Will You?

My shoulder will always be there
for you to cry on
My smiles will always be there
to cheer you up
My arms will always be outstretched
to give you a hug
My presence will always be felt
wherever you are
but I wish sometimes...
that you will be there
for me, too

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Will it ever come back?

It was the first time I travelled through the eastern part of the island or at least I don’t remember if I have. Oh but Trincomalee, Muthur and Kinniya - yes on a familty tour soon after the ceasefire. My earliest imagination of what may have been the east of the country was war, blood shed, tears, refugees, soldiers, forests and fear. I wasn’t very far.

The sea wasn’t at it’s best behaviour at “Mareena Beach” – commonly referred to by the village folks. It was the only place they had had, to visit for some entertainment. The place doesn’t look very much worth it. The picture of what may have been before the tsunami struck is unimaginable. It has left us nothing to work back on.

Rows of graves, pieces of equipment, a picture frame here, an armchair there, clothes thrown about, weeping widows, very bad roads, flooded areas and a few children loitering around. Hmm… Every next thing you see seems to be worse than what you saw last and it makes you wonder… is it ever gonna come back?

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Need drugs for depression

Went down there exactly three weeks ago to Galle. There is no need for description. The dead are dead and the alive are dying to live. My cousin says that if you visit for no reason at all it’s an insult. But I think that one may get the actual feel of the situation by seeing it through one’s own eyes. Besides there’s a lot you can do just by talking to the kids and being with the lost and lonely. The sea was calm. As if it had done nothing at all. Children were playing on what was once a railway line and the mothers had stories to tell that moved the toughest of hearts. The media doesn’t always paint the right picture. The destruction is worse, much worse… but there is no point mourning about the past when we need to rise for the future.

Now it’s about rebuilding lives and railways. Plan and design. Funds and a future. What remains may be little; but the strength of our minds and hearts have increased. The children are ours now. And we have come together as a truly united nation as we never have done in the past. Everyone is trying to look at it positively. From the songs and matches on tv till the homes designed for the survivors… everyone’s spirit is as high as the mountains and as deep as the oceans. A memory that will stay with us forever is slowly taking shape. People have slowly begun their normal lives and now I can read the papers and the sites without really having to blur my sight. This week, it’s gonna be Eid at Ampara with those who could or would have had a normal day.

Now…

As the street light take control in the night and as the shadows are slowly wiped away and as the sun takes over for each new day we as a nation become stronger and closer. Life is the most beautiful gift ever and to us all – whether Buddhist, Christian, Muslim or Hindu – the preciousness of life is equal. We have lived through bomb blasts and riots and war and calamity but we never stood together like we have this time. There is always hope and there is always the brightness of the day that follows the gloom of the night.

With my deepest sympathy and love to all of humanity…

Monday, December 27, 2004

Tsunamis

These are things that you read about and watch in movies only. These are things that are not supposed to happen in real life… no, never to neighbours and friends. So what was all that fuss about?

My cousins were down in Colombo on Saturday. We were planning on a girls night out which was unfortunately ruined by the one who claimed to be tired and sleepy after having missed two night’s sleep in noisy airports. As she was the oldest (mother of three) and the baby sitter - in spite of looking the youngest of us all – we had no choice but to give in. but we promised ourselves a treat the next day.

Well, only the next day wasn’t anything like we expected it to be. Two of the cousins had sprung out of bed early enough to get to Odel on time. About me – I was at home attending to a few neglected chores. My dad said we’ll do a one day’s trip down south. So finally something was coming out of my vacation besides boring shopping, and eating out.

And then the phone rings and I hear the chirpy voices of the folks at home. Only it wasn’t very good news at the other end. The phone line seemed to be busy for what seemed like ages. I was finally able to get my hands on it, to call a friend from school. I was trying to get through to her to get her to join our little trip. She didn’t believe a word of what I had to say. “April’s over” that’s all she said. Angry and unable to justify what I had said (news hadn’t reached the TV as yet) I hung up half hoping that a few sea waves would make it to her place at Wellawaththa. They (the waves) were just a little far away when I was thinking that. When I called again… the phone’s only rang.

At home… the relatives near the wild oceans were moving in and we were making arrangements for lunch and the night’s stay. My dad left to pick them up. He met with an accident was turned back by the heavy traffic, blocking the roads. So my grandma, aunt and kids were somewhere out there finding their way to a safer location. We just had to sit and wait and pray. The scenes were on TV by then and they were traumatizing. They arrived. I was shouting at the top of my voice for people not to panic. We were trying to get through to relatives in Galle. Sometimes the phones rang… Most time there were no connections. My uncle was in Trincomalee, they were rushing back. My mum kept talking about how we were planning on a vacation together and we couldn’t join simply because dada had no leave.

Me - being the one that is crazy about water and the sea – was disappointed by its unruly behaviour. Another “why” that we cannot answer!

Something’s going on inside the earth and people predict this will re-occur. Thousands of children and women didn’t have the strength to survive it. We are now trying to help the ones who were fortunate enough to escape, to get back on their feet while taking precautions. This day we shall remember for a long time.

Friday, December 17, 2004

+ Cross Roads +

Now what?

The biggest thing in my mind these days is getting ahead with my higher education from this point forward. It’s been an year since the degree was over and I’ve been doing nothing but thinking.. “where from here?” I hate it at the cross roads cause decisions and fate don’t go together. Anywayz, plans are needed for one to go on.

Adopted

I generally don’t post what is not original but I read this and cannot stop myself from sharing it…

Once there were two women who never knew each other
One you do not remember the other you call mother
Two different lives shaped to make you one
One became your guiding star. The other became your sun.
The first one gave you life, and the second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name.
One gave you talent, the other gave you aim.
One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears.
One sought for you a home that she could not provide, the other prayed for a child and her hope was not denied.
And now you ask me through your tears
The age-old question, unanswered through the years
Heredity or environment. Which are you a product of?
Neither my darling. Neither.
Just two different kinds of love.

Author Unknown

What it means to be adopted

Teacher Debbie Moon’s first graders were discussing a picture of a family. One little boy in the picture had different colour hair from the other family members.

One child suggested that he was adopted, and a little girl named Jocelynn Jay said, “I know all about adoptions because I’m adopted”

“What does it mean to be adopted?” asked another child.

“It means,” said Jocelynn, “that you grew in your mother’s heart instead of her tummy.”


George Dolan

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

The worst part of this whole messy business is that there being no one to talk to. That is the reason why it is so difficult to come to terms and accept it. When new avenues are found old friends and family are gradually lost. You don’t keep in touch not because you don’t want to but you simply can not find the time to. I’ve been going to bed at 9:00pm these days and I still haven’t stopped the habit of going to bed with a book. The only difference the book happens to be sci-fi or horror at 9:00pm rather than some boring course text at 2:00am. What a change after the degree? It’s unbelievable but the part of there being no one to talk or work with is depressing. When your busy studying or with work you don’t feel it but when your minds empty you really wan go have coffee with an old friend. I miss you!

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

The End!

As I watch sitting at the doorway of the world
The setting of the sun
Only to wake another land
My cheeks upon my knees
And my head upon my heart

There on the shore
I scrape into my pale hand
The golden brown grains of sand
To which life was blown into
The grains which cloth my spirit and soul
The only matter that will accept my lifeless body

The salt of the sea
The warmth of the soil
The cooling sky
The only comfort

And as I sit here
I cannot help but wonder
How to put an end…
To the tragedy and trauma
Of the truth of this drama

Tomorrow will be another busy day
When I will come home just like everyone else will
Having nothing but four walls that can’t speak
And when night falls to bring the darkness so still…
It all comes back gushing
Burning the soul and melting the heart
All the joy and fun; All the lies and pain
Being cheated and stabbed
And treated like I’m nothing

Reward for the love that I so generously shed
All along it was her and not me
That’s not what really matters
What matters is he never told me
All the time he spoke of the ends of the worlds
And the mysteries of molecules and genes
And he never said a word
And I cared for him too much to see it coming

Crying out to the voices that needed help
Singing to children that needed a friend
Giving to the poor
And smiling for the deaf

And he left
With all the gifts I gave him lying there
on the floor… for days
I wonder how is heart let him hurt mine
How I could not see the falsehood in his eyes
Leaving everything behind, to him I turned
And now he’s gone, no where to be seen
Leaving me with this pain and taking my joy

Promises so pleasing
Gifts worth a fortune
Words of praise
And songs of bliss

In this rotten woeful world,
I am here without having been given a choice

Now I sit helpless with a heart-full of memories
I know there’s nothing left that I could do
To bring him back

I wait for the day that I die
Never wanting to continue this miserable circle of life
He let me down
And he broke his word
But still for some reason I cannot hurt him back
God, take care of him
And I hope he will be happier now, than
When he was with me.

I’m holding my head high and trying to walk again
And as I limp my way back to the old world
Having left with no choice
I turn back once to look at the black sky

And in that darkness, I still see the stars smiling back at me…

Is there any hope left?
In this miserable world…
And in my search of myself
I find, there’s nothing worth crying about
It’s me… and only me
The reason he left!

wasted

I think it is such a waste to have big brains and sit down under them not making a difference to the world. Passive observers are not really smart. They are cowards and not smart enough to raise issues or make a fuss about it. To make things worse they advice other people to follow the sickness. You weird creatures that think that sitting around telling other people what to do better give it a break and practise some of the preaching once in a while.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

The Convocation

When I look back and think of those work-filled days and sleepless nights I can’t believe the FYP is actually over. There was a time that I thought I would NEVER be able to finish it. There were times when I just tore away everything in front of me into bits and pieces. There was a time that I even went crazy. Rowing through the tough times, all those little sacrifices on the way, stumbling upon stones. It wasn’t easy. The convocation brought back a lot of things… not just the fun filled days at APIIT but also the times back in school. One can not forget the first few steps that lead us here. The tea parties, the phone calls, the experiments in the lab, the imitating of the teachers, the grounds, the arguments, the cutting classes and hiding… a lot more that I would not even recall if not for my journal. Life can come in many disguises.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

Hi People

Since of late, I’ve been up to quite a few things. Oh the graduation ball, the marking, the preparing, the convocation, the team meetings, the friends’ occasions, the family occasions, the occasional singing, writing, photography and the like. I am very slightly impressed by movies that don't move me. Photography runs in the blood. I like positioning things in different ways and taking pictures of them. I have a huge collection. There are minor details that you would never notice unless and until you see them in a pic. Often too marvellous to be ignored. Like for instance I took for granted most of the flowers that grow wild in our garden in my dad’s home-town in Kandy until I got some pictures and framed them up. It is a pity that little magical things all around us often go unnoticed. And oh the pets at home – so adorable to watch and photograph. Specially when they are playing or asleep or at a meal – that covers almost everything, doesn’t it? Wild animals are glorious too, but unfortunately I can not get close enough. Did I mention that I love lions and elephant and cats too? Pictures do speak a thousand words. They can bring back to life a forgotten moment or a lost friend. You can relive your whole life through an old album. (Have you tried looking at b&w pictures with grandparents?) Most people remember pictures a lot better than words. They are a lot of use when it comes to sign boards, advertisements and desktop icons. If only we paused to think…

The Dental Appointment

I’ve been visiting the dentist who unfortunately asks me questions that I can’t answer with my mouth wide open. And he’s been hurting me. Wonder what he looks like. He’s always got half his face hidden. And the mother thinks it’s time I learnt cooking and engage in a few more chores around the house. I’m kinda running out of excuses. (It’s not like I can’t cook at all but I don’t like being told around) I really don’t have time for anything more than the usual things that one must do. So when I’m told to put the cooker off that contains the dhal; I end up putting off the kettle before the water boils. Bad eh? Not to mention the thunder that follows about the rice being burnt or the water needing to be re-boiled. (Did I start with rice or dhal?) Too much on my head. To heavy to carry around. Have to sit down and think of a solution…

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

A lecture on Business Ethics

I was doing a lecture on business ethics and I asked my students this…

“If you were working for MIT and your spouse for Virtusa, and your company had come up with a unique recipe of creating a world class application would you share it with your family over dinner?”

To my surprise most of the students said that they wont. This proves that good people are still around. (Debatable) However the real debate started when the argument arose as to whether the spouse is more important than the company or vice versa. I guess the answer to which we may never know…

Caution – Danger Ahead!

I didn’t realize how much I had lost touch or how remote I had become in a matter of seven months. This used to be my home. The place where my heart was. My visit yesterday made me feel like a total stranger in a lost planet. There were all kinds of feelings and thoughts that were going through my head. My mind took a walk back into the days when there were so many things to talk about - time was all that we needed. Things to talk and songs to sing. The moments, when our minds were so free yet so heavy. I was patient enough to let people take their anger and stress out on me. I was smart enough not to talk but to listen. I was sad; just enough not to show it. Sometimes I feel terribly wrong. Wishing that I had thrown a few pebbles on the road that brought me here. I need the moon to shine with its borrowed light so I can find my way back home. But where is this home?

I did not bring any work home, today. A little tired of it. It is a pity that even my blog is not in my control and that I can not say what I want to. I don’t understand why there has to be so much of control and rigidity. I want to be born in a planet in which nobody cares and where there’s no such thing as wrong and right but just everything just neutral. Will there be any chaos then? Sometimes I try to imagine what death is like. Would it be relieving or would it take us to something worse? What is wrong with this world? Why do people see everything so negatively? I’m tired. There’s no cause to this mess and no end to this cycle.

Friday, November 05, 2004

Miscommunicated conclusions!

Ok, so I managed to get someone - I wasn’t referring to -, actually worked up a little. If you’re wondering what that was all about, it was about joining the academic sector. Didn’t wana blog in sometime but didn’t really think that my blogs were being read. Anyway there’s not much of point in reading each others blogs unless you actually learn something new. However it is interesting to find out what’s going on inside people. Perception and first impressions are so wrong sometimes. So coming back to the point of joining the academic sector… hmm yeah I did think about all the possible outcome. About academically inclined people being stagnant and theoretical. But on the other hand where would people be if there were no acs? I know that, that’s a pretty soppy thought. People don’t necessarily end up here coz they don’t have jobs else where. The talent of imparting knowledge to others is rare and greatly wanted. There are many who are good at learning things but just a few who are actually good at teaching it. Anyway I believe that the best person to judge a lecturer is the student itself. As for me.. I enjoy it – a passion by all means and that’s one of the reasons I’m here. I used to do it ever since about the sixth grade. My final year project was also based on an academic institution. The "almost" regret was for some other reasons - discouragement from people and the like. But who cares about people anyway? That’s supposed to be me. "Advice is appreciated but not necesserily taken into account. "Only, it’s hard to sometimes implement. Should go back and read my blog about people! For now I have some marking to do and the vivas really manage to get me down… ta ta!

Monday, November 01, 2004

Adios... and The Last one...

The previous blog was a result of a wise person saying something that was rude enough to hurt us. A person who forgot how he crawled, the moment he started running. We always stood by him faithfully. We put up with his rather amateurish criticisms and never went behind his back. If there was ever an issue we would always confront him directly even if it meant getting into his bad books... even if it meant earning a bad reputation for ourselves from the people around us. His faults we hid and his strengths we highlighted while looking up towards him as a fatherly figure who was there for us as a friend when the path was too thorny and as a guiding light when the path was to dark. But I guess one can not always expect people to be grateful in return. I was too emotionally attached in the moment that nothing made sense. I guess we all have our emotional weaknesses that erupt at sometime or the other. If you are ever treated in a way that you do not deserve just let it go and play the “I don’t care” attitude. Coz it’s really not worth caring about. Happy endings, flying carpets, walls made of chocolate and crystal castles only exists in fairy tales. All of a sudden I feel like I have travelled about a decade behind in time. I have to admit that I’m pretty embarrassed about the absurdities and immaturity in some of the past blogs I’ve posted. I am not going to blog for some time from now onwards. Some things really lose their shine with time! Good bye dear blog and thanks for being there at times when no one really seemed to be around!

Friday, October 29, 2004

To all the parents out there

I’m writing this in the middle of some research because I can’t sort of get this thing out of my head and it’s disturbing my work. Anywayz… This is to bring to the knowledge of many parents out there that good people are not born but made. The right time to make a person right or wrong is in his or her childhood. If you miss it then, it’s gone forever. Children are convinced by what people tell them and as they grow they realise the truth of it. It is ironical that a statement so obvious is so often neglected.

Life is not a tempest, nor is it a midsummer night’s dream. It is just a comedy of errors so take it as you like it.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Killer Secrets!

If a person claims to be open and transparent he/she should either fully adhere to it or not say it in the first place. People who say they have no secrets have the most. Their hearts are like mysterious treasure caves – only - the things you pick up, are not really gems. As for me I am not a completely open, nor a completely closed person. There are things that I wish not to disclose and there are others that I wish to share. Its a matter as simple as that. If people think they are being extraordinary by just claiming to be open and all sorts of everything that they actually are not and I think they are ought to shut up and stop giving a false impression of their personality. There’s no one in this world who can be 100% open even with the closest of friends or family. So there!

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

The Month of Self-control

So Ramadhan is here again...!
Fasting is for the total purification of the mind body and soul coupled with the right intention. Fasting did not originate with Islam. The Jews and the Christians were involved in fasting much before the coming of Islam. Islam however formalised and made it obligatory upon every healthy adult Muslim to observe fasting – controlling one’s self from worldly pleasure from dawn to dusk – and devoting one’s self in worship in the true spirit of Islam. Worship is not limited to mosques and prayer-places. It is rather the day-to-day life that one leads righteously. Although Ramadhan is known as the holy and blessed month, charity, prayer and all other forms of worship (doing good) is not limited to just these 30 days of the year; and should be enforced in every single day of our lives. Some people believe that religion is for the less intelligent well... each one is entitled to his/her own opinion. However, all religions speak of good things and the closer you stay to it, I guess the safer you are...

"Verily truth is from your lord, let him who will believe and let him who will disbelieve" (Quran 18:29)

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Is variety really the spice of life?

Haven’t blogged in sometime coz it was hard to make time as well as nothing interesting enough to me, came up. It is interesting to try to learn and understand the minds and behavior of different people. Each one with their own specialties and weaknesses. It’s amazing we haven’t run out of combinations. Well we never know if they've been repeated.

With so much of ‘unusuality’ around, it’s amazing how everything becomes so usual and so boring with time. Even the things that mattered so much, don’t matter anymore.

Is it because new variety replaces the old?
Is too much variety good or bad?
Why are so many bored with blogging?
Why does time wear away everyting
Will I ever know the answers?
Is it worth the thought?